Abstract Thoughts
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Those random thoughts that pop into our mind...those emotions we can't explain, that talent hidden in us... they create abstract....they create us. @WordQueen @green_warden001
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I learned a new word today.
Agathokakological it means composed of both good and evil. It dances with paradoxes and harmonies, embraces the unity of beauty and imperfection. It whispers of light and shadow, joy and sorrow, urging us to celebrate our complexities and embrace the cracks that let our inner light shine. In a world longing for authenticity, it beckons us to evolve through our imperfections, reminding us to embrace contradictions and celebrate both the Ying and Yang of our existence.
*efx*
Aware
Eveytime I write, I am conscious of everything. Every flaw, every sin I know by name. All my strengths are not hidden.
Everytime I write, I am honest with myself. All my delusional thoughts evaporate. The reality to things become more clear.
Everytime I write, my words are like time stamps. They show me a version of myself stuck in time. Holding on to his truth.
As I continue to write, I delve deeper into the recesses of my mind and soul. It's a journey of self-discovery, an exploration of the tangled web of emotions and thoughts that reside within me.
With each word that flows onto the page, I unravel a piece of my own existence. I confront my fears, my doubts, and my insecurities. I lay bare the raw essence of who I am, exposing my vulnerabilities and strengths alike.
Sometimes, as I write, I stumble upon truths that I've long ignored or suppressed. It's as if the act of putting pen to paper grants me the courage to face the realities I've been avoiding. The words become a mirror, reflecting the hidden aspects of my being that I've kept locked away.
In this state of pure introspection, I am able to peel away the layers of societal expectations, the masks I wear to conform, and the facades I present to the world. I find solace in the authenticity that emerges when I strip away the external noise and simply listen to the whispers of my own soul.
The emotions surge within me, coursing through my veins like a tempest. I feel the weight of my heartache, the tightness in my throat, the twists in my abdomen, and the heaviness in my eyes. It's as if my body is a vessel for the emotions that have long yearned to be acknowledged.
As I close my eyes, surrendering to the intensity of the moment, I am consumed by a surge of energy. An electric wave radiates from the base of my neck, spreading throughout my entire body. It's a sensation that transcends the physical, tingling my skin and setting off a cascade of goosebumps.
In that profound stillness, I am connected to something greater than myself. It's a moment of pure presence, where the boundaries of time and space dissolve, and I am left with the essence of my own existence. The act of writing becomes a portal, a means to touch the depths of my soul and glimpse the vastness of my inner universe.
And so, I write. I write to understand, to heal, and to grow. I write to make sense of the chaos within and around me. With each stroke of the pen or tap of the keyboard, I inch closer to unraveling the enigma that is my own being. And in this profound act of self-expression, I find peace, clarity, and the courage to embrace the journey of self-discovery.
I only wish that I do not stop writing one day because there is no more pain and suffering that arises from the mystery of not understanding myself.
I wish to write about happier things. Not only to inspire, but to lead with examples and tales of how to overcome all fears and be true to yourself.
*efx*
Won't let go
I'm too old for this, tired of playing games,
I need to take a stand, break free from these chains.
My heart is confused, it's hard to understand,
But I'll make up my mind, be my own guide, hand in hand.
They say, "This time, it will be different," again and again,
But I won't let the past hurt me, cause more pain.
I've been hurt and bruised, but I'll rise above the strife,
With strength and courage, I'll redefine my life.
Forgetting is tough, words have weight and might,
But I'll let go of broken promises, day and night.
No longer trapped by vows I can't fulfill,
I'll seek forgiveness, find comfort and heal.
I used to believe I was a man true to my word,
But even the best can stumble, their vision blurred.
Yet in this journey to find myself, I'll regain my trust,
Rebuild what's broken, with sincerity and adjust.
No more confusion, no more shadows of doubt,
I'll speak honestly, from within, not without.
Through actions and deeds, my character will shine,
Restoring faith in myself, leaving the past behind.
But as I walk this path, with remorse and pain,
A sad truth emerges, a sorrowful strain.
Some bridges can't be fixed, wounds won't disappear,
The pain of broken trust remains, crystal clear.
Though I strive to change, to be better each day,
Regret and missed chances linger, come what may.
The weight of my mistakes, I'll carry within,
A reminder that life isn't always a win.
So here I stand, accepting my fate,
Knowing redemption can't erase every mistake.
In this somber ending, I'll find strength to cope,
For even the strongest souls sometimes lose hope.
*efx*
In a corner
When I look back, I see a better me.
I thought I had to look forward to see.
When I look ahead, I'm scared for me and others.
I've given up many parts of my dream.
At night, I'm left with bits of hope and bad dreams.
Existing just because I'm alive isn't enough.
I want to choose to really live.
I want to believe I'm worthy of every breath.
I can't accept that my life is out of control.
I know control is fake, not everything can be mine.
But I want to believe it anyway.
I want to write my own small story with a happy end.
No one can say how big or small my life is.
If I can't decide how to live, I don't want to live at all.
*efx*
Petty
Why is it that we tend to be so small-minded and spiteful all the time? It's as if our only way of communicating is through seeking revenge. We want others to experience the same pain they caused us, like children having a tantrum because they feel powerless. Our only recourse seems to be frustrating them until they feel powerless too.
We engage in this behavior both consciously and unconsciously, like a mirror reflecting the hurt and pettiness we've experienced. It's easy to get trapped in this never-ending cycle, but we must remember to stay true to ourselves, to be brave and rise above it. Being the bigger person is not a weakness; it's the world around us that has the problem, not those who possess kind hearts.
*efx*
Echoes of unspoken promises
My mind plays tricks on me sometimes, swirling with thoughts and weaving intricate illusions. It has its own stubborn way of dismissing the signs of impending heartbreak, refusing to believe what it doesn't want to acknowledge. Even when the truth is so painfully obvious, it constructs a protective fortress around itself, shielding me from the harsh reality I'm about to face.
And yet, not to be outdone, my heart takes center stage and performs its own enchanting dance. It chooses to believe in the power of love, regardless of the looming storm on the horizon. It wraps itself in the warm embrace of delusion, ignoring the warning signs and clinging desperately to the hope that everything will work out. The crushing weight of reality becomes nothing but a distant murmur, drowned out by the fervent beats of its own desires.
But deep within me, my soul stands as a silent witness to this unfolding tragedy. It knows, with a heavy heart, that the delusion of love can lead to unforeseen heartbreak. It watches as my mind and heart engage in their battle, knowing that soon the veil will be lifted, and the truth will pierce through the illusions. It waits patiently, holding the wisdom that only hindsight can provide.
In the wake of shattered illusions, my soul gently reminds me of its quiet wisdom. It embraces the pain and guides me through the storm of heartbreak, offering solace and healing. It whispers that sometimes, love can blind us, lead us astray, and leave us vulnerable to the unpredictable nature of life. Yet, it reassures me that this heartbreak, though painful, is a stepping stone on the path to growth and self-discovery.
And so, amidst the play of tricks and illusions, the mind, heart, and soul each play their part in the intricate symphony of my existence. They coexist, sometimes in harmony, sometimes in discord, but ultimately shaping the tapestry of my journey. Through the pain of a broken heart, I learn to navigate the complexities of love with resilience, to cherish the lessons learned, and to emerge stronger and wiser on the other side.
*efx*
Honest to my heart
What I wish to say to you in private
I scream at the top of my lungs into the crowd
I display my affection to the world.
In the hopes that faith will guide my love to where it belongs,
If destiny decides my heart belongs to another, I would beg her, " Please reconsider !"
I may not know what is best for myself, I dare not know what others wish
But for you to be in my company is what I desire,
If I was given a wish this very moment, I would wish for all distance to disappeared.
For when I miss you, you will be one step away,
When my heart aches, I shall stretch my arms open, and there I will find you in my embrace.
The letters I want to write for you, I write to the world. I am not scared if it judges my words or slanders my rhymes.
I know my words are far from perfect, but at least they are true. I don't care for its opinion, only yours.
If I was given another wish, I would wish for more courage.
I would tell you, "You are worthy of all the love in this world!". And as you refuse to listen, I would have the strength to tell you, "The broken and the tiered don't deserve any less if not more, has less love ever cured ones soul?" And as you say you are the farthest thing from perfect and that nobody should even look your way, I shall have the courage to say, "I have told you I love you when I thought you were perfect, and now that I have seen what a beautiful mess you are, I am in love with you with every fiber of my being!"
*efx*
My reality vs. yours
I think I love you, but I am not sure,
What I do know is that I don't want to be parted from you for a fraction of a second.
I might be wrong. I have been wrong multiple times
But the thought of me and you I know is right.
I am not sure if I love you, but when we hug, I want to pull you inside my skin
I am sure your warmth will melt my icy heart
I don't know if it’s your words or your smile
What I know is that your presence is a beautiful harmony to my soul.
I am not sure I love you because all this is my reality,
I have been scared for being too gullible.
I refuse to accept that I love you with all that I am
Until I am sure my reality and your reality are aligned.
My reality will remain my own until your reality matches mine,
Admitting I Love you is like poison and your acceptance, my antidote.
The longer I wait for your answer, the more I wait for your love
The weaker I get, the closer I get to death.
You are oblivious to my reality as I am to yours,
I move slowly and subtly
I doubt you will ever realize,
I was making a move.
Maybe in your reality, I am just a number
Lost among the crowd all dressed in white
Maybe I am just a stranger who sits in the corner of your thoughts
Of all the possible maybes, maybe your reality is also mine.
*efx*
Smooth pebbles
I don't love you, I am in love with you,
Maybe if I finally rearrange the words in such a manner, you will understand.
Or maybe you don't want to comprehend the thought?
Or maybe you want to remain oblivious to the obvious fact that is my affection
What choice did I have ?
You would not accept my heart any other way,
Unless without blemish or walls,
On a silver platter, spoon fed.
Entering my heart like it's your home
Did you even ask for permission ?
You let yourself in without even knocking,
How many times have I kicked you out for intruding on my property?
High walls and dead ends are not for my protection. They are to dismiss high expectations,
The heart of gold you're looking for is not here.
You graffiti the wall and leave your mark,
Thinking you have found something valuable at last,
I have no treasure inside, I am but a pointless maze with no beginning and no end.
You don't know how I wish there was something I could offer,
To trade for your love.
I had no choice but to fall for you,
As you were running around my maze,
Finding things I thought were lost forever, taking paths I sworn not to walk ever again.
You kindled something I can't control deep within me,
I wish not to burn with this new firestorm.
Every sweet embrace, all the beautiful words I say
Don't fall for them,
They were born to be deceitful,
Like a sirens cry, they will singing you to death.
As they sing their deepest desire without shame
"
I will bring you one step closer
Towards a dangers, unapologetic love.
Love that doesn't care if it is reciprocated or seen by bystanders. It refuses to give up
Love that is loud, proud, selfish, and jealous.
Love that is cliche, unashamed, and demanding.
A love all consuming, without boundaries, a love impossible to hide or contain.
It's the kind of love that accepts and forgives all.
It will ignite a fire in you
A love that can't be controlled or tamed
It's beyond my power to withhold.
"
They sing without restraint
"
But what good is this love if it's not returned?
What good is it if it only brings pain and hurt?
I'm left here with this love I can not control
This love consumes me whole.
I try to move on, try to forget
But every time I see you, I'm filled with regret.
Regret that I couldn't make you see
The love that was always there for you.
Now must I let you go?
And let this love fade slow?
It's time to move on, time to heal
And hope that someday, I'll find a love that's real.
"
They continue in harmony
"
So goodbye, my love, I must say
It's time for me to find my way
Without you, but with this love inside
That I can't deny, but I must learn to hide.
So even though you may not feel the same
And may not want what I have to offer
I'll keep this love burning inside me like a flame
And let it be my constant reminder of how week I am.
That I don't just love you
Am in love with you from head to toe.
"
Don't listen to the melody. Don't read between the lines,
They only want one thing,
To capture and trap your heart.
So be wary, don't fall for the poet's act,
If you do, make sure to check behind the curtains first.
*efx*
Dayl!ght ?
Telling myself I won't go there,
But your love is a temptation I can't bear,
We share this lust that's weighing us down,
Two sinners trying to find common ground.
Our souls tied, intertwined with pride and guilt,
Darkness looms, a burden we both built,
Hiding our sins from the daylight,
Running from the truth, never feeling right.
I love it and I hate it at the same time,
Drinking poison from the same vine,
Trying to wash away the blood we've spilt,
But our love is a burden we both built.
We beg for forgiveness, for mercy to find,
But we're lost in the darkness, struggling to be kind,
Our love was once pure, but now it's a crime,
Telling ourselves it's the last time.
Deep down, we know it's not true,
Trying to follow the light, but it's night-time too,
Our love is a burden we both share,
Two sinners that can't atone from a lone prayer.
Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time,
Drinking poison from the same vine,
Hiding our sins from the daylight,
Running from the truth, never feeling right.
But now it's time to let go,
To move on and never look back, to grow,
Our love was once pure, but now it's not,
It's time to face the daylight, to not be caught.
So, spare me any mercy that you might find,
For I'm down on my knees, trying to find,
A way to be free from this burden we built,
A way to love without feeling the guilt.
*inspired by David Kushner- Daylight*
Self conviction
I have been unkind to myself,
a truth I've long avoided,
I set standards too high for myself,
an ideal that cannot be reached.
A vicious cycle I cannot break,
I reject myself when I fail,
But rejection leaves me nowhere to go,
homeless in my own skin.
I've been a cruel friend to myself,
Mocking myself for every mistake,
Berating the things I love,
Self-doubt making me feel weak.
I find myself alone in my room,
The voice inside my head,
Whispering my flaws and weaknesses,
As if they're all that exist.
I try to drown out that voice,
With music and TV shows,
But it's always there, persisting,
Nagging at me, never letting go.
I withdraw from social life,
Afraid to reveal my true self,
Believing they'll see me differently,
And I'll be left all by myself.
The loneliness is overwhelming,
A heavy weight upon my heart,
I struggle to find a way out,
From the pain tearing me apart.
But I know growth takes time,
A journey of self-compassion,
Patience, and facing the pain,
For me to find my passion.
I need to learn to be kind to myself,
Embrace my flaws and weaknesses,
To live life without fear of rejection,
And find my inner peace.
*efx*
Lately
Lately, my life has been shrouded in an eerie silence, the kind that chills you to the bone. The internal monologue that used to accompany me everywhere has deserted me, leaving me stranded in a sea of despair. I can't help but feel that something sinister is lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce.
My heart is heavy with an inexplicable sense of foreboding, a feeling of impending doom that I can't shake off. It's as if the universe is conspiring against me, and I'm powerless to stop it. I've been trying to piece together the reasons behind this gloom, but the answers elude me.
It's like I'm trapped in a nightmare, and no matter how much I try to wake up, I can't escape. I can sense a storm brewing, a tempest that threatens to engulf me in its fury. The darkness is suffocating, and I feel like I'm drowning.
My faith in humanity has been shattered, and I'm losing my grip on reality. The future seems bleak, and hopelessness is all I can see. The world has become a desolate wasteland, and I'm a mere spectator, watching as it crumbles before my eyes.
I'm not sure if I have the strength to face whatever horror is coming my way. My moral compass is spinning out of control, and I'm struggling to hold on to my sanity. The fear is all-consuming, and I feel like I'm walking on thin ice.
Despite my best efforts, I can't shake off this feeling of doom. I'm afraid that this time, I won't come out stronger. The darkness has taken hold, and I'm powerless to fight it. The storm is coming, and I'm not sure I'll survive it.
Every day feels like a struggle, a battle to keep my head above water. The weight of the world is crushing, and I can't escape the feeling of impending disaster. I'm trapped in a never-ending nightmare, with no end in sight.
I try to find solace in the simple things, but they no longer bring me joy. Everything is tainted with sadness and despair. The world has lost its color, and I'm living in a monochrome existence.
I'm haunted by the feeling that I'm not doing enough, that I'm not good enough. The fear of failure paralyzes me, and I'm stuck in a state of limbo. The future seems bleak, and I'm not sure I want to face it.
The storm has arrived, and it's worse than I could have ever imagined. The winds howl, and the rain pours down in sheets. I'm battered and bruised, struggling to hold on. But the storm shows no mercy, and it rages on. The darkness is all-encompassing, and I'm not sure if I'll ever find my way back. The fear is overwhelming, and I can't escape it.
But amidst the chaos, there's a glimmer of hope. A small voice inside me whispers that I can make it through this, that I'm stronger than I think. I hold on to that hope, and it gives me the strength to keep going.
The darkness may have taken hold, but it hasn't defeated me. I'm still here, still fighting. And I know that as long as there's even a spark of hope inside me, I'll never give up.
*efx*
Seeds we plant
Negative forces of betrayal, rejection, abandonment, humiliation, and injustice possess the power to break and transform people. Such bitter seeds, once planted in one's heart, will inevitably grow into a poisonous tree, bearing only bitter fruits, and providing no shade or solace to those in need.
On the other hand, the forces of loyalty, acceptance, love, respect, and forgiveness have the power to break and transform people as well, for they are the seeds of a sweet tree, capable of growing into a life-giving and nurturing tree, bearing only the sweetest fruits and providing shade and comfort to all who seek it.
Let it be known that one should remain loyal to oneself, for self-betrayal is the greatest betrayal of all. One should learn to accept oneself, the good and the bad, in order to avoid the pain of rejection. Love must be extended to all, including oneself, and one should never abandon one's heart in pursuit of another. Respect for oneself and others is paramount, and setting boundaries is necessary to avoid humiliation. And, most importantly, forgiveness must always be at the ready, for revenge and hatred will only serve to distract from the true problem of injustice.
*efx*
I want a love that's true and pure,
A bond that will always endure.
I hope to find a love that's real,
And not just something I can feel.
But love can be hard, and doubts can creep,
It's not always easy, and it's not always sweet.
Sometimes love can bring pain and sorrow,
And leave our hearts broken and feeling hollow.
Still, I want a love that's kind and true,
A love that makes me feel brand new.
A love that grows and never fades,
And always shines, even on dark days.
But love is not a guarantee,
And sometimes it's not meant to be.
Sometimes love can bring heartache and stings,
And leave us feeling lost in life.
But I still believe in love's sweet tune,
A love that will make my heart swoon.
I'll keep searching until I find,
The love that's meant to be forever mine.
*efx*
The human-being;
An immortal being trapped in a mortal cage. We forget that our existence transcends matter. What matters more is the being, not the human.
Existence is beyond comprehension. We are yet to unlock the mysterious of the cosmos. Secrets told before the dawn of time eco unanswered questions. I believe as beings we were there, the place with no space, where there was no up or down, a place outside of time. And now, in our human flesh, we indulge in the mundane. And through this narrow sight, our existence feels limited, scared that we will lose our flesh casing. I doubt that this is the end, and even if it was so be it. I am glad to have been a part of something so big and complicated with so many intricate details that boggle my mind. And maybe when I depart the human, I will understand my being and all the secrets that eco will be clear. Until I unfold into the infinite, I will appreciate the finite that has been bestowed onto me.
An in this finite reality, I will enjoy the miracle of being. Simply existing and witnessing the beauty in things that perish.
*efx*
Reminder
In this fallen world, full of pain, misery, sorrow, and death, love still manages to shine through.
Whether it is the love between siblings, the selfless and unwavering love of a mother, the supportive and protective love of a father, the unique and special bond between parents and their children, or the beautiful and enduring love of friends, love is a beacon of hope that can never be extinguished.
It is a reminder that love is stronger than any hardship and can bring light to the darkest of places. Even amidst difficult circumstances, where happiness and laughter seem impossible, the sweet sound of love's song can still be heard.
Love is a pure and powerful force in the world, one that should be cherished and nurtured always.
*efx*
What Should Not Be Forgotten
As the poet draws their final breath
Their body still, wrapped in peaceful rest
Their pen slips from their weakened hand
Leaving behind their final stand.
Their life's work etched in ink and page
A treasure for a future age
Their words should not be left obscure
But cherished and remembered evermore.
Memories, like moth wings, flutter near
Reminders of a soul we held so dear
More tales we wish that they could share
Their voice now lost within the wind's blare.
Amidst the depths of darkness and despair
A poet sat with pen and paper bare
Their heart heavy with the weight of pain
Their soul engulfed in a torrential rain.
A poet is just as consumed and confused by life
As they struggle to express the joys and strife
Their pen became their savior, their call
Writing down their hurt and fears, one and all.
In each verse, they poured their heart
Tearing down the walls that kept them apart
From the world they longed to see
From the hope they dared to be.
Through their words, they found release
A way to mend, a way to piece
Together the shattered parts of their soul
And find a way to become whole.
The tears of their loved ones fall
As they mourn for the loss of all
The light that once shone so bright
Now a flicker in the night.
For in their pain, they found a gift
A talent that no sorrow could lift
A way to heal, a way to share
And let others know they're not alone in their despair.
Let us hear this poet's voice
And let their words be our choice
To find the light amidst the gloom
And let hope's bloom forever bloom.
As days and years pass by
Their words continue to amplify
The sadness, love, and loss they knew
And the memories they left to renew.
For what should not be forgotten is this
The power of words to transcend bliss
To reach out to those who feel alone
And make their struggles and pain known.
So let the poet's final breath
Be a reminder of life and what's left
Of the legacy they left behind
Of the hope they helped us find.
*efx*
I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones.
*Franz Kafka*
"A number of porcupines huddled together for warmth on a cold day in winter; but, as they began to prick one another with their quills, they were obliged to disperse. However the cold drove them together again, when just the same thing happened. At last, after many turns of huddling and dispersing, they discovered that they would be best off by remaining at a little distance from one another. In the same way the need of society drives the human porcupines together, only to be mutually repelled by the many prickly and disagreeable qualities of their nature. The moderate distance which they at last discover to be the only tolerable condition of intercourse, is the code of politeness and fine manners; and those who transgress it are roughly told—in the English phrase—to keep their distance. By this arrangement the mutual need of warmth is only very moderately satisfied; but then people do not get pricked. A man who has some heat in himself prefers to remain outside, where he will neither prick other people nor get pricked himself."
*Arthur Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena*
