Abstract Thoughts

If you make what you want clear and commit yourself to its pursuit, you may fail. But if you do not make what you want clear, then you will certainly fail. You cannot hit a target that you refuse to see. You cannot hit a target if you do not take aim. And, equally dangerously, in both cases: you will not accrue the advantage of aiming, but missing.

The cool breath of the wind has frozen my heart, extinguishing my will of fire. My soul wanders the barren wilderness, searching for something to quench its thirst. Under the thick blanket of snow, my spirit hides away from all danger and sharp tongues. Like peppermint candy and Christmas lights, the snow alternates between red and white. How do I bandage my mind? How do I halt the bleeding of my thoughts? Clotho, spin my fate thinner than hair. Lachesis, measure my life shorter than grass. Atropos, cut my thread, but not with your scissors. Please find Solomon's sword and split my thread in half. *efx*

Free Advice There is no time like the present, A truth learned the hard way. Seemingly infinite tomorrows lie ahead, Time boundless in its expanse. Deluded into shaping the future, Thinking it aligns with our desires, Yet, time is not as abundant as we assume, Our days, numbered and fleeting. Yesterday is gone, unchangeable, Today is the clay in our hands, A chance to sculpt a tomorrow free of regrets. Yet, it's never too late to act, The next best day is today. Hope is not lost, you're not too far gone, Leave fear behind, learn its lesson, Don't let it paralyze your present, Stealing your future away. The antidote is to be, to do, right now. Ask yourself, what hinders you? Is it a genuine obstacle or self-imposed? Don't be defeated before the day begins. Wake up, get up, seize the moment, There's no time like now. Strike while the iron is hot, Work diligently, never be idle, never give up. Take one more step, right, left, Discover more in you than imagined. Look forward, share, believe in your value, Grow in the direction you wish. Don't watch life pass by, Clutching to a past of mistakes, pain, guilt, and rage. Detach their power from your present, They belong to specific moments, not eternity. Don't torture yourself repeatedly, Be vigilant, brave, honest, have faith, have love. *efx*

Freedom grants the opportunity for greater meaning, but by itself there is nothing necessarily meaningful about it. Ultimately, the only way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in one’s life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to one place, one belief, or (gulp) one person.

Cast I don't think I will ever be the same, You had molded me, Like clay, you had reshaped me, Until our fingers interlocked like perfect puzzle pieces, You had hammered me. You carved your name into my soul, It wasn't enough for you to dig your nails into my hands until they bled, You had to sink in your poisonous fangs down my throat. As you left from me, You forgot to take parts of you. You took all the colors that you brought except the red. When you left with my things I didn't stop you. You took my canvas away, so I had to paint on my walls. From the many promises of a forever, The only ever after that will remain in the days to come, Is the secret we both kept, The one where we both said to each other "We will never be the same again." I hear the silence echoing. And that's okay From shattered memories Tossed into the abyss, From the burt ashes of the past, Too dangerous to be kept alive There in the dark I grow a new heart. Unmolded, uncarved, untainted by your blood An innocent heart free from pride and blame. You had chiseled me into what you wanted, But now I had re-grown my edges, I mold myself into who I was supposed to be in the first place. *efx*

The tears of a lonely cloud hold on don't let it rain today they say they don't know how heavy I am my anger is like boiling water and like steam it rises but I shape it like cotton candy soft and sweet different from the boiling water and the scary steam Hold on they say they don't know the rage if water has memory the clouds have guilt the longer I hold on the darker I get “rain rain go away” they say where is the place? Where I am allowed to rest my head? “Come again another day” they say Lies! isn't that what you said yesterday? I'll try not to take offense but I am on my last nerves when it rains it pours as I let go all the weight all the pent-up pressure screams like Thunder my rage bottled up when it is released it shoots like lightning cracking the heavens burning the ground it has been long overdue letting go isn’t easy, you lose parts of yourself letting go of all the memories, the burdens, the laughers, the comfort, the fights, the responsibility, the guilt, the joy, the pain, the tears, the expectations, the imaginations, the dreams, the scary nightmares, the fear, the hope, the love it will kill a part of you better a part of you die, than the whole you and like the tears of this lonely cloud rain down until you find yourself a free cloud. *efx*

Self-portrait What color does a painter choose, When he is about to paint a self-portrait? What note does a musician hit, When she plays from her heart? What does a writer write, When he is scribbling on his autobiography? What word does a poet rhyme, When she is revealing her true identity? How do they do it ? Painters, writers, poets, musicians, dancers, sculptures... the artists of this world ? How do they go deep within themselves to create something that has never existed before? And yet, we can all relate to that something new ? What is it that I find amusing, When looking at a strangers face on a canvas ? *efx*

Mr. Brute and Ms. Manipulate, In this world, oftentimes, where the truth is bare and plain, Honesty feels like a heavy rain. Yet, if kindness isn't found in the clouds, When it rains, it pours like a brutal storm, Washing away the good, the bad, and all that's in between. Kindness is like a nice warm hug, But if honesty is missing, it's a stab in the back, Trickery and manipulation hidden between kind words, fake smiles, and good intentions. That was never kindness's intention. Torn between these two worlds, Can we find a way in between, Blending honesty and kindness, as God intended? Must we always go back to our Stone Age built-in instincts? Not too much of one, not too much of another, But a mix of both, in perfect harmony. Let's not tip the scale for evil, Swinging from one extreme to another. It's a delicate balance to try and be a good person, For in the marriage of honesty and kindness, Humanity prevails with hope. We must realize this, Honesty without kindness is brutality, Kindness without honesty is manipulation. I, for one, am particularly tired of both. It seems to me that everyone fits, In either one or the other Are we out of options? Is it impossible to be both? Ask ourselves which one we lack, And pray that our children don't grow in our mistakes. *efx*

Hope It's been a while since the sun went down. Darkness surrounds, yet I anticipate a new day. Walking along the sandy shore, a gentle wind reminds me of how the land and sea breathe in unison. By day, the sea inhales gently, and by night, she exhales. Her cold breath keeps me awake, refreshing my face. Dragging my feet across the sandy beach, I come to a stop as I reach a palm tree. I ponder, how did this giant tree grow where there is nothing but sand as far as the eyes can see? Hope is the answer. The secret lies in how deep the roots go down, in search with faith for solid ground. I move down to this ground and take a seat against that tree. As I bury my feet a little deeper into the sand, it covers them like a blanket, and instantly, I feel invincible, unshakable. I wonder if that's how the tree feels, held in place, secured by the smallest bits of broken rocks. Every grain matters. I see how the little things can add up now. If it weren't for the many dots in the sky, if it weren't for the many stars, I would have been lost in the desert and never made it out. Looking at where the sea meets the heavens, the place where the stars from the sky start to fall into the depth and darkness of the mighty dark waters, they seem much closer, not so far out of reach. Sitting here, gazing at the stars, I am waiting for the dawn to break. I have the best spot in the whole world to see the sun rise. With the sun comes new hope and new strength. Everything was cold, dark, lonely, and clear. But with a new dawn, a new day waits for me. *efx*

3 Nights After many moons, mostly halves, some quarters, rarely full, and once blue, I found it: a clear sky void of howling. And in her place, across the horizon, I see the northern lights—green lights coming in waves. And for once, the sky stopped reminding me of her name. Finally, I see my soul on the dark canvas. It was beautiful. It wished to be free like the wind, trapped by my own constraints. I had chained it to this world's desire. Now that the canvas is free, I draw with all the colors. No longer a giant standing in my face, I finally see the stars. *efx*

3 Days If tomorrow were my final day on Earth, I wonder who'd hold me in their last embrace, As I exhale my spirit and my worth, And whisper, "I love you," with my final breathe. I wonder, who brought smiles to my last day? Can't forget who I last shared a hearty laugh with, As my actions have no tomorrow, No consequences of my failure, I wonder what dangerous things I might commit. As the sun sets on my very last day, And the night sky casts its mystic, starry gleam, I find my fears far removed , Hypnotized by constellations and shooting stars. I wonder, will I muster strength and grace, To express my feelings, truths untold, Into words and syllables. Which selfishness should I embrace? The one where I keep you away from the truth? Or should I burden you with the truth and leave you in the aftermath? Why worry of a future I won't see, In this late hour, the answers slip my mind, In whispered secrets and a silent plea, I wish you goodnight, my love, my last goodnight. *efx*

Intro If I were to sing a song, It wouldn't be about you. As you're listening through the verse, Your name will evade you. If you hear the melody, it won't sound familiar. The rhythm is upbeat, the tempo is faster. If I were to sing, it won't be about you. The instruments I use, you've probably never heard of. It will be my song, Not a cry out to you. Every string of my being Will have forgotten you. Without a tone of sorrow, Voice smoother than silk, I will sing From the notes below that tremble the earth To notes so high, glass windows crack. I will sing until I am out of breath, Of a love that has never left, Of hope that was never lost, Of grace greater than all my mistakes. I will not waste my breath singing sad songs of heartbreak, But of a life remade, The beauty of the ordered chaos, a symphony. As the keys collide together, creating a harmony. I will sing freely without fear, Eyes don't scare me, Haters' words bounce off me, If you diss me, don't wait for my response, My answer will be silence. You can try to find lyrics that attack you, I'm sorry, but they ain't about you. Humble yourself, My words are bigger than you. I will die, But the beats will keep beating, The words flowing, So don't fool yourself, It ain't personal. If I sing a song, It will be above it all. *efx*

"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it." Oscar Wild

Glass Hearts I was brave once, Not because I was unaware of all the darkness in this world, But because I thought I was the light. You could see my skinny arms and my ribs under my chest. My wrists were thinner than twigs, But my heart was three times bigger. I believed in myself. I trusted myself, No dream was too far, I was never outmatched. And little by little, I loved myself less, Lost faith in my existence. A silent death died my dreams, I welcomed the aftermath with open arms. Burn them all, all these notions of who I was, Scared into my brain like lemon juice on a paper cut; they sting. Let go of all the things that are holding you back, Burn them, bleach your memories. "If a seed is willing to die, then it will bear much more fruit." Holding on for dear life, Looking back to the seed I was, Afraid of dying, letting go Of all the wonders of familiar things. This overgrown seed now looks like a parasitic weed, Doesn't fit in the picture. What am I? What has become of my heart? I have now a glass heart, Easily scratched, Scared to bear the weight of the light, Hiding among the shadows of familiar shapes. Too meek, A glass heart that is so submissive, Holding on to fingerprints of the people that carried me last season, Cracks and ridges from being dropped a couple of times. You can see right through it, There is nothing in it, Except on the surface it holds grudges, Keeps track of mistakes. The time it takes To heal the cracks left by a stranger passing by mistake, Yet never perfect, Never was capable of holding on to something that was truly true, Maybe deep down that is why I sometimes put the scars myself. Self-sabotage before I self-destruct, That way I can expect and handle the disappointment. Throw me into a pit of fire, Let the seed die, Let my heart melt, Grant me the power of the Phoenix. Let me rise from the ashes, Let me destroy myself like an eagle, So I can die another time an honorable death Don't kill me now, please. *efx*

Find me "Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream, Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dreammnmmmm. How do I save myself? If I were lost in the wilderness, Surrounded by the trees, As the wind rustles their leaves, And creatures of the forest break fallen sticks. On a cloudy night, When the moon is not as bright, Startled and panicky, I might be, Surely, the night will end, I will see daylight. But if I am lost, rowing gently, I will be lost forever, For who could wake me up From a life that is just a dreammnmmmm. Like the 'n' in between the 'm's, You have seen me once again, Yet you can't see that I do not belong. As I go down gently at first and then surely, Drowning in the river of dreams." *efx*

Who hates poems? Words in sequence, Like birds on trees singing, Flowing in rhythms, fancy verses. You're too special to be described, Like trying to hold the wind in fists, Counting steps, choosing words, Words that are beautiful, Similar to the object of the poem. It's impossible for them to contain, To mimic, to look like, For the words to define you. Each word, a failed attempt To catch your true uniqueness, You're a masterpiece, no brush can capture, You are beyond words, Above scribbles, No ink can hold, No paint can captivate The depths of your being. An ocean of colors, Words so plain, Trying to hold you, But all in vain. You're a universe words can't explain. They scratch the surface, Paint a blurry picture, From different angles, Different perspectives, Distort the beautiful disaster. No poem can grasp your depth, You're the magic that words can't express. *efx*

A Dance of Heat and Steam In the spaces between seconds where I am self-aware, The world stops, and only my heartbeat and breath remain. My senses heighten, catching the smallest shifts in the atmosphere, My skin aware of the slightest change but unbothered by the hair. My gaze is fixed on one point, hypnotized, unwilling to look away, Counting breaths 1 2 3 in 1 2 3 out 1 2 hold All fades into the background, leaving just me in a quiet trance, Aware of my existence in a solitary dance. I shut my eyes, entering a realm of pulsing energy, Electrifying currents move from my mind to my core. Transforming from waves of electricity to a liquid, splashing within my insides, Filling my core with memories and sentiments hidden now revealing. The water within me, once peaceful, now passionately violent, Stirring up forgotten memories, triggering emotional landmines. Unasked questions, suppressed truths, they all rise to the surface, In the scorching current of my soul, a thunders storm downpour. This current isn't icy cold, it's a searing, scorching brew, As I grapple with the depths, seeking escape, Anger surges, climbing up from the depths of my core, Seeking release, a passage to exist the rage. I wrestle with this internal pressure, diverting its flaming measure, Channeling it outward, my skin ablaze red hot. The steam within me rises, held captive but not for long, Seeking freedom from this vessel, aching to explode. In this battle of heat and steam, I find my own redemption, As my skin absorbs the fire, and only my exterior does burn, The storm within at its end, leaving calmness in its wake. *efx*

Smile back Walking across fields of grass, looking beyond the clouds, Sun shining, wind moving, birds flying, squirrel climbing, bunnies hopping, I open my eyes, lost in the moment, brought back by vivid colors, Clouds changing shapes, from baby to dolphin. Freshness of the air, scent of trees in every breath, Swaying back and forth, dancing with the wind, Small bushes, flowers, bees passing by, a sweetness in the air, What beautiful creations they are, flowers so fair. Marveling at the world, I glance upon an interesting creature, Two legs, walking in a hurry, head down, lost in thought, Shoulders heavy, back bent, arms carelessly dragged around, Feet scraping the ground, eyes carrying a burden, a story to be sought out. Discouraged by their uninviting face, I stay away, Observing from a distance until I see the vivid colors that I see in this world, I smile, then they smile back, and I know they are alive, Just like the flowers and the wind. For a moment, they are disconnected from all their thoughts and worries, And at that stamp in time, I see how one could easily fall in love With creatures that look so sad with the weight of the world on their shoulders, Yet persevere. *efx*