Benjamin Zulu Global

Your emotional intelligence and sharpness to pick bad vibes and veiled hostility will offend people because they can no longer run games on you. Don't be surprised if you get called difficult or over sensitive as a result. You're actually difficult to play with and you should feel complemented. You're better off liked by a few and respected by all than being popular while being walked on all over.

The more you fear being abandoned by another person the more likely you are to abandon yourself. (Vienna Pharaon) How so? Because you begin to invest more energy at keeping them around and happy than you do in keeping yourself centered and happy. Slowly by slowly you'll get depleted emotionally because you're nolonger replenishing yourself. Eventually you'll have nothing to give them as well and then they will leave. You'll have unknowingly brought on yourself the very thing you feared; abandonment. Solution? Understand that the first step towards keeping the ones you love happy is to make sure you're pouring for them from a full cup. Always start by replenishing your own cup so that you have enough to share with them. You can only give as much care and love as you're giving yourself first.

Some women are extreme and dogmatic. The moment they learn a man is one month younger than her they drop him. Listen: research shows that most people will have met the love of their life by the age of 35 but many will drop them and then live to look for him or her in other people. And why do people miss their right lovers? Because of giving too much importance to these flimsy things. Don't be one of these people. Edit your childhood beliefs and become more realistic. If you had already loved a guy and both of you got along so well before you learnt of his age, what changed after learning his birthday? Most men in Africa mature for marriage at 30 and above. If he's in this age bracked and you're older than him by some years he knows what he wants. Marry him. How much age gap is too much? 10 years is the maximum recommended. Why? Because of generational differences and phase of life. What if you parents will hear none of it? They won't know for sure unless you tell them. You're the one who invites opposition by disclosing too much when you already know their likely response. Be wise. Only you who knows how hard it was to find your soulmate and owe it to yourself to safeguard it. What you want is a man who is capable and confident, and he needs not necessarily be older than you. You want a man who makes you feel whole and happy. One who brings the best out of you. If you find such a man never let him go if he's happy with you as well.

ever give words to your anger because your words will become someone else's wound. Instead, when you're upset give expression to your hurt. Communicate what is it they did that pained you and how you wish for them to correct. This is different from temper tantrums where you speak out of anger to punish them with words. Such a rant may give you relief temporarily but it hurts the other person more. It also leaves injuries in your trust and connection because now they're not as free with you.

Again brothers, don't be too courteous in the dating market. Good women are rare and sometimes you have to snatch her from an idiot who doesn't realize what he's got. When you meet a fine lady who looks packaged and promising, don't start asking her whether she 'has someone.' Just present your case, and persuasively so, then let her decide whether she's taken or not. As long as a woman is not married, she's single. And you too, you must never keep a quality woman pending in the name of being in a relationship. You're not the only hunter in the jungle, and another hungry fox will run with her. Remember women's position is very delicate. Their biological clock is more time sensitive and their dating window is narrow. So as much as she loves you, she cannot afford to continue waiting for you as you manifest indecisiveness. Sometimes she'll jump ship and go with even a lesser guy, but one who is decided and on the move. It's not disloyalty because you had no legally binding agreement, just hanging promises. She's just securing her future and her interests.

Men are not scarce, you're the one who is misaligned. And where are the good men? They're over there with the good women. There's a price to be paid before you can build the kind of personality and presence that inspires a good man to marry you. It takes more than waking up at the last minute and trying to clean up after living a carefree life all your twenties. During your hay days you slept with whoever you wanted because it was your body and your choice. But now that the payday for your behaviour has arrived suddenly it's the fault of all male fraternity that 'you can't find a good man to marry'? Amazing. The question is always, 'what do you have to show in the way of standards? Is there a track record of self respect or just cheapness and stupidity? Some of you squandered your dating window in something you had labelled 'a serious relationship,' which was just an excuse you used to stay away from the world of self expansion and networking. You sanitized it as 'dating' when it was just dating. And now you want people to take you seriously? Congratulations. 😏 You're arriving at the evening years of your youth disorganised and desperate. And you're looking for someone to blame for it? 'There are no good men?' They're just not interested in you. You're not their kind. And on this point those women asking about how many men they'll meet at our February 11th Singles meeting, let's get this straight. Hook-up and mingling is only one component of our meeting, but it's not the main goal. We don't run a dating service, we run a training service. What I'd like to give you is the knowledge on how to find men in your own world. 99% of people end up marrying from their own circles, not hookups. So what you need is insight on how to conduct yourself and where to look. Once more, the main commodity I sell is knowledge, not men or women. And does it work? You bet! I can't count how many people say they found their partners by just applying what we teach to their lives. Prepare to learn, not just to be handed a person.

Yes, Men Regret Rushing Too As a brother you'll never regret taking your time, you'll only regret not doing it. Feelings run wild in your twenties but you must resist and brave that decade of 20-30 putting the foundations for your empire. Remember you will suffer more for the lack of financial latitude than you will for marrying after everyone. Better slow and right than rushed and wrong. 'Hi Benjamin, Congratulations for the advice you are giving us especially on pre 25 nonsense. I work in an organisation where am the only lady in the office and let me tell you the way those men regret marrying early .They are always complaining about their marriages . They keep saying I wish they new They would had built themselves before engaging in marriage .Continue speaking the truth some of us are listening and you are saving the young generations so much pain and regrets.'

It feels bad when you don't want to give up on someone and what you had with them but you know you have to. You didn't mind fighting for your love, fighting for the journey and how far you've come together. You fought for the future you had both envisioned together and all, but you eventually realised you were the only one fighting. The painful thing about love is that it takes two to tango and however much you want it to work you cannot do it alone if the other part is not into it. And so you're left with no choice except to turn your back on something you love and that hurts, but it's the only logical choice.

I hope you've noticed that people are never too busy for you in the beginning of the relationship. They only get busy later on, because they're busy with other people. In the beginning you were their priority, now you're not. To understand this principle is to set yourself free from feverishly running after the mirage of someone who has lost interest. And it's not always about you. Some are wandering stars thar never settle in one place. You can never be good enough for such nomadic lovers and your defense is only to never rush to invest too soon. Maintain a sense of precaution and avoid being carried away by their whirlwind romance. Always give time for the dust to settle before you commit to confirm if they're still there or they took off with the same wind they came in.

Softening yourself after having to be tough for so long is not easy. Sometimes that's how it feels when you fall in love after being single for long. Although many think it's always exciting to fall in love, when you've been hurt before it can be a very anxiety-inducing experience. You feel your defences melting down and yet you know they're the ones that have kept you safe. Should anything go wrong now you're totally exposed and it will hurt badly. This fear can cause you to self sabotage if you don't take measures to compensate for it. First, never let go all at once. Don't 'fall' in love. Rather walk into it. Feel the chemistry and the passion and all, but still exercise caution and restraint. Insist on learning the person to satisfactory levels before you jump into the wagon. Second, true love brings inner peace alongside all other feelings. If you cannot find peace and calm about a person and all you have are fears and what-ifs, abort mission early. Something about them is wrong.

How long does it take a man to know that the woman in front of him is the one? Immediately. Immediately he sees her when he is ready for love and commitment. He may have been acquainted with her before when he was not ready and she didn't click with him that way, or she may have denied him the chance herself. But a seeking man never needs to keep a woman waiting for months or years. This doesn't mean that men always rush to say it, but like Eliezer of old, once they've seen Rebecca and felt within them that she's the one, they may wait a while to confirm their conviction as they watch her life. But this waiting doesn't include using her. Gentlemen, the only kind that's capable of marriage and faithfulness, never use women. He may have urges and even the opportunity, but he's conscious of karma and energies, and he knows this is a living soul. So how does a watching man behave? First, when a man ranks a woman highly on the wife scale, he never sleeps with her. He knows sleeping with her will make her common and he will lose that respect for her. Something changes when you go there with a woman outside marriage, and all men know it. So when he finds a queen who commands his respect and admiration, he wants to maintain her up there. Maintaining her at a queenly pedestal reflects back on him like a king, and it's a very elevating feeling. If she tries to drive him the sexual route herself, he may give in because of the emotions of the moment but now she becomes just another woman. Admiration requires distance and rareness. You can't command elevation and worship when you're just like everyone else. In short, a man who is looking to marry you never brings you over to his house, never keeps you waiting, and never talks about getting babies. He just wants to make you his woman. This explains why a particularly dishonest man will use one woman for years while postponing marriage with many excuses, only to marry a new one almost immediately upon meeting her. You were not good enough to marry, but you were good enough to use. And since you were naive enough to allow it, why not? To get sex from a clean girl is a very rare thing. Only hookers and other cheap characters would have given it to him otherwise. But here you came with richness and potential, but your guard was low. So he became the opportunist. He saw that even if he doesn't want to marry you but by pretending to he can get access to your treasures while waiting for the one he will really love, why not? We're not saying this is right or moral. Of course it's very selfish and insincere. But wasn't it facilitated by your cheapness and naivety as a woman? If you had an oath of chastity that made sex a non-negotiable, who would ever use you? And if they walk away because of your stand you would instantly know that you didn't lose a husband, you just dodged a bullet. The bullet of a user, the kind that has robbed women of their years and their womanhood in exchange for nothing.

If as a woman you go out with a masculine energy, the tough, go-getter vibe, you'll continue attracting feminine men who are just looking to be taken care of. If you insist on paying for dates, for instance, you'll attract men who only want to be fed. And you won't recognise it as a problem More so if you were socialised to be a caregiver in your family, it means leading and making decisions is your nature by this point. Two alphas don't match well and so we naturally, and unconsciously, gravitate towards the complimentary, opposite energy. You need a responsible, hands on man, but there is no room for him in your life because you naturally occupy space and fill up every role where you are. This is a tiresome place to be in the long run, but you're used to it the same way a donkey gets used to its burden. If you naturally take over conversations and introduce the topics, for example, if you order the meals and choose the tables in the restaurants, or the routes on the road, this may be what you're used to but in relationships it's a put off. Feminine energy yields; it doesn't lead. You let the man lead the dance. You're not absent or muzzled, but you're right behind him in 'formation.' That's how you test if you like his leadership, and if he fails you don't 'take over.' You drop him. If you're an expressive extrovert more so, you must control your tendency to dominate and learn to listen more. Of course there's a time for 'being yourself,' but the bigger objective of this interaction is to learn and carry out tests to see if you'll be safe to be yourself with them - for life. The same way you'd behave if you sat at an interview panel. You don't just focus on 'being yourself' but rather on taking the approach that allows you to mine the most information within the shortest time. In short, dating for marriage is often very different from the other things you've been doing with your life prior to it. Being the mentor and role model at home and in your college or church groups, for instance, being a dependable worker or business person. If you come at dating from that angle you'll end up with people you have to lead. But the problem is that at the back of your mind taking a laid back position for someone else to lead is very strange and uncomfortable. You fear that things won't get done the right way or on time. And, in any case, you've hardly ever encountered young people who you could count on. So you must learn to be led. And you must not only believe that such people exist but that you're actually looking for them.

You'll always be the bad person in someone's story, especially when you refuse being kept in uncomfortable positions just to keep them comfortable. You have to learn how to be unbothered when you're hated by those who couldn't control you and so they label you as proud or crazy. It's not everything that ends on a good note and sometimes just have to cut people off especially if they seem to be at war with themselves and they keep injecting unrest into your life. If you wanted teamwork and friendship but they keep seeing you as competition and rivalry, let them go. If you're no longer getting as much poured into you like you're pouring into them, leave. If they seem more disturbed by your goals and advancement than they are inspired to actualize their own, you don't need them anymore. You must be more afraid of losing your momentum than you are of the labels people throw at you when you cut them off.

Children who were raised by their father stand out. So much so that you can tell a daddy's girl in a group. She beams with confidence and she's fearless, even as early as five years old. When you make eye contact with her you see her father. A daddy's boy, too, plays differently in the fields. He's a free spirit and his face is radiant. It were as though his father's love shines around him like a halo. But remember we're talking about the fathers love and validation, not just physical presence with zero or inconsistent emotional connection. Fathers have an almost magical influence on their children, and for failure by men to understand this a lot of damage has resulted. Men are getting children before they're emotionally prepared to journey as fathers. When you become a father drop everything and go home. Stop spending evenings with the boys and instead go spend them with your little angels. This is the investment that will pay you for life and make you glad in your later years. These children will carry your praise wherever they go and you'll hear your name showing up in places you'd never have reached yourself. But remember you cannot give what you don't have. Your children need you to speak self belief into them, to see their potential and nurtue it into manifestation. To do this, you need to work on your own confidence and self love. And remember that just like your words can build, they can also bruise. Be few of words and don't transfer any strife you have with the mother onto the children. Remember what you longed for when you were their age and give them that. A dad who is a friend and a cheerleader. \

I'm so sick of Christian girls marrying at the wrong time and covering it all up with 'we did a holy matrimony.' Listen, you foolish virgins. You cannot sanitise a wrong thing by doing it the right way. Many of you obsess so much with the idea of doing a wedding from as early as teenage, and you don't think that much about becoming a great person in your generation. Or at least a resource to your nation and human kind. Or at the very least, developing your personality and your gifts. You need to develop yourself in order to purchase your human freedom and the wherewithal to live decently. I don't know what contest about weddings you're engaged in, or to whom you're trying to prove a point. You daydream and fantasize about it until by the time you finish college at 21 or 22 that's what you're looking forward to, and then you enter the rat race. You're driven by infatuation and adolescence to sign contracts of life when you don't know who you are and what season you're in. You cannot read the man you're getting into - and meanwhile abusers and narcissists are hunting for your naive and stupid age group, and you don't know the parameters that constitute a good marriage. Then you go to a church where people just want to see weddings, obviously, and parents who are just happy that their 'children are getting married the right way.' So, in a broad daylight, you sign your soul away in the form of ill-timed marriage. You will wake up to rude surprises five years later to discover what you got yourself into, and the struggle to make it work will consume your life. You'll get to midlife empty and depressed. Because a wrong marriage is a slow killer. What you don't know can kill you. Educate yourself about the seasons of life and stop obsessing about weddings. Prepare for life itself first. That's the battle you were born into. When you've fully trained as a soldier and found your formation, now you can find another soldier of that regiment and team up as couple for life.

If you're not honoring your future partner with your body right now you'll never be honored with one. There's this tendency of single people to think that because they're not committed to anyone, when they have sex they're not cheating. Of course that's just a comfortable lie we like to slide into. The truth is that marriage will look at your history as well. Not for condemnation but to determine what you're worthy of. You will never get away with what you did right outside marraige. And for ladies who explain premarital sex by saying 'we're in a serious relationship,' you'll get what you settle for. You'll always be in serious relationships and that's all. Why should a man marry you and get the same thing other bulls got by just being in a 'serious relationship' with you? This is why men string you along for years. You settled for that and offloaded your pearls. And if you're a man and you're sharking around thinking that you'll one day just wake up and marry a clean girl, prepare to find yourself with just another shark. Energies don't lie. In summary, chastity must be a value, not an act or a behaviour imposed on you by another person you're dating. You live pure and true because that's your belief and resolve, both before and after marriage.