1 : 07

“Even if you hear a bad story about me, understand that there was a time i was also good to those people. but they won’t tell you that.”

I think all of us are blessed with relationships. The thing is, it isn’t always about romance. Me? I don’t have a special someone to clutch hands or exhange hugs and kisses with. But I have friends. Friends to share my stories with whether it’s about a funny experience or life’s little questions. Friends who capture my best moments, support my every first try, and hold my back whenever I trip and feel like falling. I have friends who are more proud of my achievements than me. Friends who talk about my wins like it’s their own. I have friends who spoil me like a youngest sibling. Who reserve a seat for me in a crowded room, set aside a drink for me when I come late, bring the pill I need, let me choose the coffee flavor, meet me at the landmark so I don’t get lost. I have friends who treat me so gently. Friends who don’t allow me to suffer because they know I’ve been through a lot. Friends who always make sure I won’t carry all of the baggages alone, who initiate and insist to help because they know I’ve been doing it for years. Friends who allow me to take a break, respect my ghosting phases, read my silence, and help me out even without doing anything but being there. I have friends who treat me so well that it made me set a standard on how I should feel around every person who comes into my life. You see, in other kinds of relationship I may not be as privileged as the others. But with friends? I couldn’t ask for better. The heavens surely sent me the best of the bests.

It doesn’t matter how slowly you go as long as you don’t stop.

Nights of december hits different

“Nobody said it was easy but no one ever said it would be this hard..”

They ask me why it seems normal to me to sit beside messed up people. To comfort them despite knowing the awful things they’ve done and the ones they’ve hurt. They ask why I’m siding with people who don’t deserve it. Why I’m tolerating their actions when I know what it costs. But believe it or not, when I’m not part of the story, I clearly know where the lines lie. I don’t side with anyone. I don’t tolerate people even when they’re a friend or a loved one. I don’t take their side; but I do understand them. As much as I understand that not every mistake is intentional and not every messed up person isn’t willing to make up for it. No one wants to mess up. So everytime people mess up pretty badly, I remind myself that the same thing can happen to everyone — including me. And I know that if I’m in that very same situation, I’d long for someone who won’t judge my entire existence based on a single mistake but rather point out that blind spot, hit me hard with the bitter truth, but still believe I’m capable of making things right.

Being admired is nice. But sometimes it’s suffocating too. It’s hard when people see you as best of the best to the point that they already invalidate your feelings. It’s suffocating when people have different standards for you and for others. When others fail it’s understandable but if it’s you, you didn’t do your best. When others let an offer slide it’s okay but if it’s you, you’re arrogant. Whenever you feel bad for your little failures they’d say they you should be grateful because others had it worse. When you find a task difficult, they’d ask you to think about how much more difficult it is for them. It’s hard when others always see you as someone who aces everything all the time. Like you’re not allowed to find things difficult. Like everything’s supposed to be easy for you. Like you’re supposed to overcome whatever life throws at you without getting a single scratch. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate those who admire my skills and believe in me. But sometimes when people admire you, they forget that you’re a person too. That just like everyone, you mess up. —Ali Artwork by Guweiz

I couldn’t believe that depression could be hidden inside someone who hangs out, shares smiles, and looks super fine until I woke up one day feeling like I didn’t want to wake up anymore..

Everyone knows what is going on with their lives and I’m just here standing still in mine, I don’t even know what to do and where to go. I wish I can figure it all out before it gets too late..