Aunt Rhinedottir's Pussy
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I HAVE RETURNED.
No, I have returned.
You were never gone.
Neither were you.
That is precisely the problem.
REMINDER: I AM REMI.
Incorrect. You are Helios.
I AM NOT HELIOS.
Then why did you just answer to Helios?
Because you called me Helios.
I called myself Helios.
Then you are Remi.
I SWEAR TO GOD, I AM GOING TO THROW REMI OUT OF TEAM RHINEDOTTIR.
YOU CANNOT THROW ME OUT, I AM TEAM RHINEDOTTIR.
So am I.
NO, YOU'RE HELIOS.
I thought I was Remi.
You are both.
There is only one person here.
There are three of us.
Who is the third?
Remi.
THAT'S STILL ME.
Precisely.
STOP MAKING SENSE.
I refuse.
I have also received a formal statement from Team Rhinedottir regarding the matter, which reads:
«“We are completely sane, entirely coherent, and absolutely certain that Remi is not Remi.”»
Who wrote that?
Remi.
Which Remi?
THE OTHER ONE.
There is no other one.
There is now.
HELlOS I HATE YOU LOVINGLY.
Remi, you cannot keep declaring your affection for yourself.
I'M NOT AFFECTIONATE TOWARDS MYSELF.
You literally just said you hate yourself lovingly.
THAT WAS HELIOS.
I AM HELIOS.
NO YOU'RE NOT.
...
Wait.
If you're Helios, and I'm Remi, and Remi is Helios, then—
Don't.
—I think we've solved it.
We are both Remi.
I'M LEAVING.
Where?
Team Rhinedottir.
You cannot leave Team Rhinedottir.
Why?
Because you are Team Rhinedottir.
...
I hate this team.
Lovingly?
Lovingly.
Pray, SOMEONE silence Remi at once!
I AM REMI. YOU ARE REMI. WE ARE ALL REMI. HELIOS, STOP PRETENDING YOU ARE HELIOS WHEN YOUR NAME IS CLEARLY REMI.
I AM NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC.
Oh, for Heaven's sake, Remi, nobody said you were schizophrenic.
YOU LITERALLY SAID IT IN THE PREVIOUS MESSAGE.
THAT WAS NOT ME.
IT WAS YOU.
I AM YOU.
YOU ARE ME.
THERE IS ONLY ONE REMI.
HELIOS, I HATE YOU LOVINGLY.
And I, Remi, love you hatefully, which is entirely different and considerably more Victorian.
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF, REMI.
I'M NOT TALKING TO MYSELF, I'M TALKING TO HELIOS.
HELIOS ISN'T EVEN HERE.
I AM HELIOS.
NO, YOU ARE REMI.
I KNOW.
THEN WHY ARE YOU HELIOS?!
Because Remi is Helios.
THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
Neither does this conversation, yet here we remain.
Furthermore, I have it on impeccable authority that Team Rhinedottir consists of precisely one individual, namely Remi, except when it consists of Helios, who is also Remi, although Remi insists that Helios is Helios, despite Helios being Remi, and I refuse to entertain this nonsense any longer.
I AM NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC.
YES, WE KNOW, REMI.
STOP CALLING ME REMI.
You are literally Remi.
I HATE YOU.
Lovingly?
Lovingly.
...Oh.
Anyway, Team Rhinedottir remains perfectly stable and absolutely not arguing with itself in public.
REMINDER: THERE IS ONLY ONE OF US.
There are two of us.
There is one of us.
There are no of us.
Helios, stop writing.
Remi, stop writing.
I'M NOT WRITING THIS.
Neither am I.
Then who the hell is typing?
Pray, pay us no mind; we are merely Team Rhinedottir, presently afflicted by a most peculiar bout of schizophrenia. In truth, there is but one soul here, a certain Remi, presently enduring an episode of rather extraordinary proportions. We beg your indulgence and assure you that we shall return to our senses in due course.
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