Pearl 𓂀𓍢ִ໋ ͙֒

I love looking homeless at home 🥹

Having the time of your life for only life to hit you with gunfan in the face 🫩

Slowly getting back to my nerdy interests, starting to read books i stopped halfway, enjoying life, not taking things personally, in my lover girl era, listening to poems, scrolling through pinterest, excited about small things... damn life is getting good again

Our usual Sunday pic dumps 🤭

"I will take you out there one day, don't forget the blue paint." Oh kit church the man you are 🥹

I was artistic enough to understand but no guy would send this to me and thank god cuz i would fold in an instant 😭✌️

Just so y'll know... 331m/s is the speed of sound in air... and there is 331 of you here 🥹😭

ramen is in the process of unfuckening her attention span by watching some long ahh youtube videos

I need someone to physically restrain me from researching some useless shit on the internet when I have millions of things to attend. Genuinely tf is wrong with me?

Dear lord what stage of grief is this 🤲

but he is so happy with it so idc 🥲(it is still painful)

my dad showing me tiktok videos of my results posted with a 90's song is a pain bro how do i make them delete it 😭😭😭🤲

I really have to read more books.

Humans might be the only species capable of suffering enormously from things that don't physically exist. A wolf can be hungry. A human can be hungry because it believes it has failed. A human can suffer because of:something someone said 12 years ago, a hypothetical future,a number on a bank account, a border, an imagined judgment from strangers, a fictional character, a social status, a memory, a possibility, a mathematical abstraction. We can manufacture suffering from symbols and we can manufacture meaning from them too. That's the beautiful and horrifying part. So if i need to name one core thing we lost, we forgot that the model is not the world. We've built a cool ass civilization by compressing reality into symbols. But after thousands of years of doing it, we've become so immersed in the symbols that we sometimes forget there was ever a world underneath them. And yk occasionally, usually when you're alone somewhere quiet, or watching someone you love laugh, you get this strange little glimpse of the actual reality. Not the shit you consumed, or made to consume.

so i am not done yet and idc if y'll read it or not

WE RUINED OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH REALITY IT SELF. At some point, humanity became extraordinarily good at creating relationships. You know like... words, symbols, maps, money, law, stories bla bla bla... these are so good but gradually, we started seeing the representations more valid than what it actually represents. Lets say... Grade isn't intelligence Border or map isn't natural fact A job title isn't a human being Diagnosis isn't an entire person Statistics ain't an experience Reputation isn't a character. What is genuinely weird abt this is that we can't stop doing it. a baby is born. Before it can speak, the world eventually assigns it: a name > a nationality > a legal identity >a religion or none of it > an economic class > an educational record > an occupation > a credit history > a digital identity. And then eventually there is an enormous data shadow of the baby. But the actual person…the conscious creature experiencing existence. isn't any of those things, in fact., none of them. We hv created a second version of reality made entirely of symbols. And sadly that version increasingly controls the first one. Think about money... we invented a symbolic system for exchanging value. Then the symbols became so powerful that humans began spending their actual finite lives acquiring numbers inside that symbolic system. You exchange: hours of consciousness > labor>money > objects or services or whatever we want. SOOOO FUCKED UP. But consciousness is the one resource you literally cannot replenish. So humanity created a civilization where the thing you exchange most freely is the thing you can never get back. That's fucking bizarre when you step outside of it for a second and THINK. But guess what, there's an EVENNN deeper layer. Language may have trapped us inside our own abstractions. Before language, there were some simple things like: experience, pain, warmth, hunger, light, face, fear. rain. …. Then we name things, and naming is incredibly powerful because once something has a name, we can manipulate it mentally. (which is a risky power to give to our mind) But eventually we stop experiencing the thing and start experiencing our concept of the thing. You don't encounter “a stranger.” You encounter a person belonging to category X. You don't encounter a landscape. You encounter property. You don't encounter a human being. You encounter an employee, a customer, an immigrant, a competitor, a student, a genius, or a failure. YOU DON'T EVEN NECESSERILY ENCOUNTER YOURSELF ANYMORE BRUHHH You encounter the story you've constructed about yourself. And social media took this ancient human tendency and turned it into an industrial process. Now we're not merely living the life we were promised. We are producing a representation of ourselves for other people to consume. And then we consume everybody else's representations. So you wake up and see someone else's success, beauty, relationship, vacation, body, career which are all presented as compressed evidence that their life is going well. Then you compare it with the messy, unedited interior of your own consciousness. it is sad.

It is kinda too much and i am trying to trim it y'll 😭😭😭

So, sensei told me that he writes poems when his emotions are at their extremes. Too happy, too sad, too angry or too much of any emotion you can think of... and he was right. I am writing something pretty long and i wanna share it with you guys and hear your opinions.