nessnote
Kanalga Telegram’da o‘tish
somewhere between brainrot and peak wisdom i post a lot about my current obsessions (which change way too often (lowkey a photo dump as well)
Ko'proq ko'rsatish527
Obunachilar
-124 soatlar
-27 kun
Ma'lumot yo'q30 kun
Postlar arxiv
527
plans for new year?
best thing happened in 2025
worst thing?
people u met?
learnings?
yap pls.
527
so, i read shadow and bone by leigh bardugo. 3.5 stars i suppose. will read the other two books in the trilogy and then think about it.
527
i keep thinking sleep is the closest thing to escape that i have. when i sleep, time loosens its fingers and days stop demanding names from me. morning, evening, night, what are they, really, except different shades of the same fatigue? i wake up and it feels like i never fully arrived. the hours blur together like wet ink, each one staining the next until the page is unreadable. i exist in repetition. eat, lie down, read, scroll, think too much, sleep again. it is not living, but it is not absence either. it is being suspended and pinned in a place. i want to leave. i want to dissolve. i want to slip out of the role of a person who must do. must progress. must become. i am so tired of becoming. it feels like a threat now. there are days when i crave motion the way lungs crave air. i want to walk until my thoughts fall behind me, until my body remembers it is more than a container for restlessness. but the walls stay where they are. i read to feel occupied, but the words blur. i lie down to rest, but the rest turns heavy, and shameful. even sleep sometimes feels like another form of hiding. i imagine a me that is not expected to explain this tiredness. someone allowed to be silent without being questioned. someone whose stillness is not mistaken for laziness or failure. i don’t want to disappear because i hate living. i want to disappear because i am exhausted from holding myself together. i want a pause long enough for my thoughts to stop echoing. i want to wake up and feel like the day is distinct, like it has edges, like it wants me. and i hope that wanting to escape does not mean i am weak but only that i am overwhelmed.
527
i might be broke but apparently not broke enough to deny myself something sweet every single day?
