Azizi’s Warm Corner

Where exactly is this damn passing everyone talks about?

The pain I carry started when I was five, when I was first thrown into society I kept telling myself, over and over, This too shall pass But it didn’t It grew More and more. So when does this pass?

The philosophy behind this place is the same Azizi’s warm corner On the surface, it means a warm corner belonging to Azizi But the real meaning is this: this is my corner of falling apart The only place I have The only thing I have left

The only thing I feel I can do is collapse into a corner, die, and slowly fall apart

But it’s too late now I’ve reached the very end of what I can endure I’ve come to the end of the road All I see in front of me is a tall wall I don’t see a way out

Putting all of that aside I’m looking for something or maybe it’s better to say, someone A friend who truly understands me, and lets me understand them too That part being allowed to understand them matters a lot One sided connections are honestly ridiculous......

No one has ever understood me It’s like I’m trash, thrown into a corner, and everyone who passes by kicks me

Many times, because of my mental and emotional struggles, I found the courage to call 112 so someone could save me But even then, no one did anything

My spirit and my mind are destroyed I truly can’t endure anymore I hoped that someone at least my family would stand by me during these hard times in my life But always always, always I’m alone

Living past 18 feels unbearably heavy I feel like a 100-year-old man who’s lost everything and quietly longs for death I wish I hadn’t been born into this time I wish I had never come

I’m exhausted I need to be truly heard and truly understood— not the illusion of it I really need someone to listen This world nauseates me My own life nauseates me

English is the only language where my real feelings can breathe I’m lost I don’t know what I’m doing I want to know I want to understand I don’t want to be who I used to be I want to change I want to be better I want to stop trusting carelessly I want to stop breaking trust I want to stop judging But I don’t know how to become all of that

I’ve both caused harm and been harmed What was done to me doesn’t matter What breaks me is what I did to someone else

I honestly don’t know what I should do to calm my heart I don’t know what to do so my soul doesn’t suffer

IDK

Should I fight? Kill myself? Disappear from life? Or in the worst case accept it?

So, what should I do?

Even if this, too shall pass I remain behind For moving on is far too heavy on my heart

I can't do this

Pass.... .