bullshitting to all

but the me i'm, is a very scaredy one. this one runs away from his responsibilities as much as he can, and shies away from the hobbies he used to love. i don't play chess anymore, not because i'm bored of it. the random positions still come up in my head and i get scared from them, whenever someone offers me a game, i fear, i fear that i won't be able to do anything. something came to me, and ate away all the competitive fire inside of me. this is so crushing to feel, very agonaphobic, i don't know how to recover from this mental state. i don't even want to find a solution out of anxiousness. what was it? what was the exact instance when i started feeling all of it? there are moments i remember, that i reflected too hardly upon myself and there was just so much junk filled in that, which was blocking my emotional outlets and all of this cluster—lemme break up from the topic, most people ask me, how to become like me, how to act like me? and it doesn't make any sense to me, to think some of you (not you) actually look me up with lights in your eyes makes me feel sick to the gut, nvm, i'm not actually gonna talk about any of my issues here. anyways. issues—those things turned me into who i am, big blasting issues. and i somehow channeled them into being absolute competitive animal, and the junk i mentioned, as soon as those were cleared, i lost every spirit. my life was on the course because of those things, and now everything is blank, i feel like a blank canvas.

my coffee feels bland, i want my old habits back, i want my old me back. the me who was furious with his attitude and actually did things which he said he's gonna do, even though the outcome didn't really come out as he planned out, lol.

a thing most people know but don't really understand is that they will never get an audience, stop performing, and actually suffer. that's what we're supposed to do.

@

i have no skill and I must create

i just hope nobody sees me as a Role Model

a turn so drastic, everything changed. me, my destination, my goals, my driving force, even the people around me, my attitude, that winter was long, lasted more than an year. but i'm glad it's over. the fog is dissolving, the sun is coming up again and maybe i'll get back all the things, which i lost (excluding people)

when is this lazy genius gonna take his life seriously

yo bean, I'm unemployed

this channel is not who i am this channel is what i want to be.