SB's Draft Piles

By God, you have the softest, most graceful heart I ever knew. You would have tried to understand anyone and everyone; would have loved to comfort any pain and loneliness; you wanted, always, to embrace the world. That's why I want to bludgeon people. This world has never been graceful enough to embrace someone as soft and innocent as you. #verse #draft (a kind of continuation from the last post)

#journal (2026_3). Social anxiety, and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)

#commentary But it's all that matters to me right now. the first stanza inspired from MISSIO's "Sing To Me"

"Pray for me," I ask of them, "'Cause I'm not doing well." And in truthfulness neither do they. But they take my hand, caress my face, and promise me. "I will. I'll pray for you— for us." That gentle determination makes my eyes water. And I remember my sister, the burnt black charcoal of apathy in her eyes. I think to myself now: there is a price, after all, to keep this fire burning. #draft (27.08.2026)

Go on, shoot for the stars. Burn to propel yourself, Pour your blood as gasoline, So that when we Are all shriveled, drained, We'll have no regret— Because in this world, We are but cattles To the vampiric lords And we'll end up drained, either way; So let's at least burn In the way of our own choosing. #random #draft (20.08.2026)

#commentary Have you heard about us? The buds who are wilting, either quietly or screaming—or have our songs been lost, discarded, and forgotten by the world?

This truth is a hard pill to swallow. I wonder if I had to take it when I'm all old and crinkly would it have been easier? There is envy and grief for being too young and already too crippled. I'm not the only one drowning like this either. #random #draft

#commentary I'm feeling anxious. I need to tell the world I'm still here. Even if I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Scream of a dying flower. Song of the lost and forgotten. #random #mantra(?)

(Because now that I've confessed it; I'll live even in my dying.) #random #draft (04.07.2026)

So how did it come to this? How did I come to think, now, "It's alright; I'll learn to accept death again and again, again. I'll do it as many times as it comes." Why...? (3/4)

... I was jealous of living people. Those who are free to go where they want. Those who are blessed with bounty on their plates. Those who can express whatever and however they want. I am jealous. I'm suffocating; I'm trapped; My blessings are counted. I'm jealous. (2/4)

"We are the canary in the coal mine." "So tell me, little one, as you are suffocating, what would you like to do?" "Know that you are just the first among many; many, that will follow you into this grave." "So tell me, little one, as you are suffocating, what would you like to do?" I close my eyes and start praying. (1/4)

This ugly side of me is a family heirloom. But it doesn't matter now where I got it from. I have to decide where to keep it, how to live with it. And that's the wretched thing about it. (Raven, 20.06.2026)

Who would have thought to be unseen is this painful? Is this why our oath sounds thus? "I bear witness..."

#random #draft (17.06.2026)

And now I realized: this fight to understand my value has never been to make me valuable. (Because I am, always have been, valuable.) This fight will not give me what I deserve or desire. This fight has always been just the beginning; and its end will be when I end my betrayers. #draft (16.06.2026)

#commentary It's just been in my mind these days. I should be grateful there's food prepared for me. But when it's not appetizing, for one reason or another, should I have just forced myself to eat it? They say to cook is to love. There are people out there whose love language is cooking for their loved ones. But I have often found it... burdening, in occasions.

For a while, now, it has been nagging at the border of my mind. There were food prepared for me. But it has gone cold. I don't know how to enjoy it well. It should have been a blessing, a generosity. But before I knew it— It's become a burden. How should I express this? "I appreciate your care, But I can't eat this anymore"? What am I supposed to do with this food? I don't have the heart to throw it away; I don't know how to eat it without choking; So will it only stay on my plate, grow mold, rot, and stink? Then before I know it— My house will be filled with rot and decay. #random

I had a dream, Hell reviewed my case; "You're better off humans," they said Cutting off my horns. But do I, really? Whenever I walk down the street Their stare tell me they know I'm not quite the same. Wake up, wiping my face, Head too light, forehead empty. Now when I get out the door, I tell myself, time to hide my horns. Because they know I ain't no proper demon, neither I'm a normal human. Rough #draft

We walked into the kitchen then stared blankly, wondering why we stood where we did. A few snaps of the fingers to recollect the thoughts. They are like the kids frolicking noisily outside; inside our head, there's always woisy thoughts vying for attention. It's easy to lose one of them when you're not paying attention. #random thoughts