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In another universe, I wouldn’t be the winning sperm.

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“Art is therapy.” Lol, now I'm a crazy artist.

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I'm worth all the headaches I give you.

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Another night with a pillow instead of your chest.

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When I say I'm tired, it’s a polite way of saying shut up.

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I miss chai more than I miss you.

401

Dating me is like laughing, being horny all the time, and feeling loved 24/7.

401

Reasons I’m alive 1. I’m still not dead.

401

Home is where the bathroom feels comfortable.

401

“You're so funny.” Thx, I'm a clown when I'm sad.

401

No problem? It’s definitely a problem.

401

My trauma turned me into a master of ignoring people and an expert in memes.

401

I'm a good friend, I just don't answer phone calls.

401

“What fixes you?” Money.

401

Weak password? My memory is weak too, pls just accept it.

401

No more repetitive conversations.

401

Talk loudly in the morning and I'll instantly dislike you.