Haunted by lipgloss

And now my greatest battle will be this unchained melody In my heart From not having you next to me. To shut the door on the past and step blindly into the abyss no destination intact the only direction set in the Compass - to move forward. So I drove back and forth on the Rim of the World Hwy and the beauty of its name reminded me That I was beautiful That some things are beautiful for no reason. Not everyone needs to pretend to love their girlfriend just because their mother is dying or because they’re afraid of a change in season… Anyway I don’t have a pretty couplet to give resolution to this poem nothing very eloquent to say except that I was brave and it would’ve been easier to stay

Two blue steel trains run through the tunnels of your cool blur steel eyes Vernon Rock quarry The vastness of which that has nothing on my beautiful mind Dylan I hear Dylan when I look at you I can see it on my arm in invisible ink like a tattoo The yin to my yang The toughness to my unending softness A striking example of masculinity Firm in your verticality Sure in your confrontation against all elements and duality The sun to my wilting Daisy The earth to the wildflower that doesn't care where it grows

Because captains aren't like poets They don't make metaphors between the sea and sky. And as I thought to myself That's why I write. All of this circumnavigating the earth Was to get back to my life 6 trips to the moon for my poetry to arise I'm not a captain I'm not a pilot I write I write.

As the last person's lights flooded over my windshield The night became very quiet And I thought- If I go back and end it How would I handle driving down your street and it becoming a distant memory Not reality No longer sweet Sweet the way it tastes in my mouth to say your name Sweet like when I was young, driving down those roads before we were done Before any big battles were lost or won Unbeknownst to everyone Except for you and I.

Last year when I wrote you my last letter (The beginning of my future poetry) I acknowledged who you were for the first time I didn't call you by any other name I let you know that I knew the true nature of your heart- That is evil That it convinced me that darkness is real That devil is a real devil And that monsters don't always know they are monsters