Abstract Thoughts

Nocturnal Freedom "Why do you not sleep?" they asked, Because at night, I am free, my face unmasked, No tasks, no chains, no endless lists, No judges, no eyes that insists In the night sky, my spirit flies, The dreads of my reactionary responses die, It is a time of the purest honesty, A moment to myself the ends to swiftly. And often I find, as silence falls, It's my soul, not flesh, that calls, For in this night, devoid of light My weary spirit finds its way. *efx*

Forgotten melody I wrote the lyrics to slow my brain, Put rhythm and rhyme to ease my pain, So I could sing the song my soul embraced, But my heart forgot where the melody was placed. The chords were played, the strings were plucked, All out of tune, The drums were stuck. The notes fell flat, No harmony, A broken song, With no symphony. The drums are banging, But sounds aren't reverbing, The trumpets are blowing, But my soul drifts away snoring. A hollow tune, a lifeless sound is being played, It's nothing but white noise, bland like boild potatoes in bread, In this lost music, I am drowned. Everything’s taste less since that essence died, It was the spark, the joy inside. It put the meaning in jazz, Brought order to chaos. Now that it's gone, I can't find my grace, It was the rhythm, played of my heart's own pace. Without it, life’s a mournful scream, For it was the forgotten melody, That kept at bay the melancholy. Goodbye *efx*

Forgotten melody I wrote the lyrics to slow my brain, Put rhythm and rhyme to ease my pain, So I could sing the song my soul embraced, But my heart forgot where the melody was placed. The chords were played, the strings were plucked, All out of tune, The drums were stuck. The notes fell flat, No harmony, A broken song, With no symphony. The drums are banging, But sounds aren't reverbing, The trumpets are blowing, But my soul drifts away snoring. A hollow tune, a lifeless sound is being played, It's nothing but white noise, bland like boild potatoes in bread, In this lost music, I am drowned. Everything’s taste less since that essence died, It was the spark, the joy inside. It put the meaning in jazz, Brought order to chaos. Now that it's gone, I can't find my grace, It was the rhythm, played of my heart's own pace. Without it, life’s a mournful scream, For it was the forgotten melody, That kept at bay the melancholy. Goodbye *efx*

Hypocrite We complain there is no light coming in, We complain it’s getting very dark in here. We cry and we sob. The door isn’t open, we say, We say it’s stuck and blame the door for being rusty That damn door. Yes, the door might be rusty and old, But it’s rusty and old because fear is preventing it from opening. Fear deceives us into thinking it’s the door. You feel fear blocking the door, Fear possessed by anxiety and doubt. A question arises: Why is fear even in this conundrum? The light is here to help us, you think. It will show us the paradise and the wonderful things inside this room. But you are reminded by the growls The light also shows you the monsters, The monsters you are running from. And when you remember, your foot lets go. The door can be opened again. Will you dare open the door? Will you face the light, revealing both monsters and paradise? Eu ft efx

The Expression of the Suffering of the Soul I have not mapped the edges of my mind yet. Thoughts float in these uncharted territories, alien as another's. Though unknown, they surface my unconscious brain, Dancing in familiar patterns, triggering habits and reactions. As I zone out into oblivion, they take control, Running the day. This disconnection aches, A dull torment echoing through my being, a silent cry from my soul. Sometimes I forget my own existence. Walking in my skin feels foreign, an impostor’s domain. I am asleep. My soul hovers above, waiting for me to wake, Disengaged, floating, an exile in silent punishment. When I wake, I pull my soul back into my body. Together, we try to repair the havoc, searching for impostors within. They hide in the darkest places, the farthest edges, Pits of the past too terrifying to explore with my soul. Each hidden fragment a wound, a scar my soul bears in quiet agony. They hide between my parents' unlived dreams and my bold aspirations, Between what others want for me and what I desire. They hide between the fiery rage in my guts and my calm voice, Between my unforgettable sins and the forgiveness I never deserved. I can't take my soul to these places; she would be split in half. Instead, I must face these shadows alone, Navigating the labyrinth of my mind without her gentle light. Each step a confrontation, a negotiation with my fractured self. Though the journey is daunting, on the other side, wholeness waits. The journey itself testifies to my soul's trials, each shadow a testament to the distress endured. For every dark corner explored, a piece of the puzzle falls into place. For every imposter unmasked, a bit of my true self emerges. Perhaps, when all shadows are faced, all edges mapped, My soul will rejoin me, whole and unscathed, ready to inhabit a mind at peace. Only then will my soul’s affliction be fully expressed and understood, A necessary prelude to the peace that awaits. *efx*

Today is a sunny day

Under the sunny sky I watch bunnies hoping I rise to birds in harmony singing. The morning air breezes gently , As I step into a world painted brightly. Trees with white flowers bloom in May New leaves on branches greet the day. Sweet fragrances from trees with red-flowers Red, white and yellow the tulips' blossoms Clouds move across the blue dome, The sun's warmth breaks my heart's gloom. Jolly feelings within me arise, As I savor nature's wonderful surprise. *efx*

I know you, I see you, I hear you. I am always with you. Even in the midst of your pain, loneliness, and brokenness, I am here to remind you that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. My love for you is enduring and unwavering, and it has the power to heal the deepest wounds your heart refuses to let go of. For neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate you from my love. My beloved child, I see your pain and fear. You are precious to me, and I love you more than you can imagine. Your life has great meaning and purpose, and I have plans for you that are filled with hope and goodness. Please don't give in to despair or thoughts of ending your life. Your life is a precious gift, and there is so much more in store for you. I have seen your tears, heard your prayers, and I am working in ways that you cannot yet see. I promise to walk with you through this storm and lead you to brighter days. Trust in me, my child, and let my love and grace carry you through this time. You are loved, valued, and cherished beyond measure."

Hope Faith Love "Why do you insist on trying to prove yourself to everyone? For acceptance? By whom? You can't do everything by yourself, and even if you did, that would never be enough. You are worth nothing alone; your false righteousness smells like a dirty rag. You are a hypocrite among kind hearts, a liar among liars, a thief among thieves, a murderer among killers. Yet you wear the sheep's coat, attempt to soften your voice with butter, and then you baa. But I know you. You are a wolf among my sheep, an imposter. You do not know me, your shepherd, and I do not know you. You are a lone wolf, you are your own shepherd. You have made yourself your own god. So who are you to question me? Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt'? Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades? Can you loosen Orion’s belt? Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it? Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness? Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me if you know all this. What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, to water a land where no one lives, an uninhabited desert, to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass? Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew? From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen? Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons or lead out the Bear with its cubs? Do you know the laws of the heavens? Can you set up God’s dominion over the earth? Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water? Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, 'Here we are'? Who provides food for the raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of food? My precious child, the righteous cry out, and I hear them. I deliver them from all their troubles. I am closer to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. My beloved child, I understand your struggle and the darkness you feel. But remember, even in the darkest of nights, I am the light that guides your path. I have led my people through the wilderness with a pillar of fire; I am with you every step of the way. Remember, faith is confidence in what you hope for and assurance about what you do not see. In times of doubt, turn to my words, for they are the lamp for your feet. Seek me in prayer, for I, your God, have ears that listen. Trust me, and I will guide you. I am the way, the truth, and the life.

Hope Faith Love I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Why, oh why... why? Why did I ever think I was strong enough? Maybe because that is what I have always wanted? To be able to do it on my own, to prove to myself, to everyone, that I have it under control. That I am my own God. Seems I don't have anything under control; everything looks to be falling apart. Losing my grip on reality, my mind marinating in madness, my soul fighting my spirit, I don't know whose side I should be on. I find my consciousness floating in the sea of despair, no glimpse of hope from this hell hole I dug myself into. Even if hope finds me, I doubt her feathered wings can carry my weight. "I am the way into the city of woe... Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." I walk with my eyes wide open since all faith is lost; I walk by sight. But what good is my sight in the third quarter of the night? The moon hides her glow, the stars cover their spark. In this darkness, I can't tell my left from right. I don't trust the voices I hear; they seem to come from a distance, sounds of laughter and cheer, but when I get closer to take part in this feast, all I find is shrieking and grinding of teeth. I have lost trust in my senses, for to lose faith is to lose all. "I am the way to go among the lost... abandon all hope, ye who enter here." Everything I do breaks, everything I touch rots, the guards to my heart have been slaughtered. My well has been trampled, life poisoned. The water tastes like death, food like sand. I am only a resounding gong, a clanging cymbal, for in my heart there is no love. "I am the way into eternal pain... abandon all hope, ye who enter here." *efx*