𝗓𝗐𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗇𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗍𝖾𝗇

𝗂 𝖺𝗆 𝖺 𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗂𝗌 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗀𝗎𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖺 𝗌𝖾𝗇𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗂𝗌𝗈𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇. 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝖾𝖾𝗉𝖾𝗋 𝗂 𝖽𝖾𝗅𝗏𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗋𝗄𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗂 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖾𝖼𝗁𝗈𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍. 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖽𝖾, 𝗂 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝖺 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖻𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗒; 𝗂 𝖺𝗆 𝖻𝗈𝗍𝗁 𝖽𝗋𝖺𝗐𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝖾𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗆𝗒 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖾𝗑𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾. 𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗆𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝗂 𝖺𝗆 𝗈𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗆𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗂𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖾𝖿𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗌, 𝖺𝗌 𝗂𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗆𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝖾 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖻𝖾. 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋 𝗂𝗌 𝖻𝗈𝗍𝗁 𝗆𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝗒 𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗌𝗈𝗇.

𝗌𝗎𝖿𝖿𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗁𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾, 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝗌. 𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝖾𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗍𝗁𝗒 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝖽𝖾𝖾𝗉𝖾𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾'𝗌 𝖿𝗅𝖾𝖾𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗃𝗈𝗒𝗌. 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝗌𝗎𝖿𝖿𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗐𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗏𝗎𝗅𝗇𝖾𝗋𝖺𝖻𝗂𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗍𝗒, 𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗀𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝗎𝗇𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖾𝗇𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖺𝗀𝖾𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝗆𝖻𝗋𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗀𝗀𝗅𝖾𝗌, 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗀𝗇𝗂𝗓𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖻𝗎𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖼𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗉𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗑𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾.

𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖾𝗍𝗒 𝗍𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖼𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗋𝗆𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗍𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗏𝗂𝖽𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗌, 𝗈𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝗅𝗏𝖾𝗌. 𝖻𝖾𝗇𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖺 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗅 𝗁𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾, 𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗍𝗌. 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖾𝗍𝖺𝗅 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗍𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗇𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗁𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗌𝖾𝗌 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝗅𝖾𝖺𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍. 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖽𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗍𝗌 𝗂𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗏𝗂𝖽𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗑𝗂𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗑𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗈𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗇-𝗁𝗂𝖽𝖽𝖾𝗇 𝖽𝖺𝗋𝗄𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇.

𝖻𝖾 𝗃𝗈𝗂𝗇𝖾𝖽! 🔠

‌ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ you ‌don't have to read this. I've been trying to try. To make an effort despite knowing I could not. There has been many times I considered myself as a failure. Not to my family or my friends, but to the whole world. Do I feel guilty? I don't even know anymore. There are mistakes I have made. Ones I can't run away from. I have to face their consequences every single day while trying to tell myself I'll be okay though I know I will not. Not like this. I can't go back and I can't go further either. I honestly believe that I have no right and I don't deserve to be even treated as a precious being. Since when have I felt this way i don't know. I'm writing these here, even though I know I won't feel better I never will. But I wonder if anyone else lives like this, so consumed by guilt and the past? I tried forgetting. And to some point, I did. Or I thought I did. But the very moment I close my eyes, I just fall back into the abyss I have made for myself. And it's all useless. Everything is long gone and I'm longing for something I was never meant to have.

           ‌— ? ‌