$incerely, Her

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We all keep secrets. Not only the secrets we keep from others, but the ones we keep from ourselves. The ones we bury so deep, we eventually forget where we buried them. The ones that haunt your dreams and create your nightmares. The ones that come back to you in the quietest moments, when there’s nothing distracting you anymore and when you suddenly feel free…. and then you suddenly don’t. You try so hard to forget the things that have been running through your head for years. You turn memories into ashes, burning every piece of them you can find, without realizing that some memories are flammable… And so the flames grow higher and stronger and trap you both … together. You and the thing you’ve spent your entire life trying to forget, locked inside the same burning room. I don’t even remember how it started. I don’t remember what the reason was. Honestly…. I don’t even know if I knew it back then. All I remember is being trapped inside an already burning house. i remember remembering things Does that even make sense? Not the actual memories. Just pieces of them. In the smell of a room. In a certain look. In someone’s voice. In the way a door closes. In a dream you can’t remember in the morning but somehow wake up terrified from. And maybe that’s why I can never explain it. Because whenever I try to go back, there is no beginning. Just fire. Just the heat against my skin, the smoke filling the rooms, and the feeling that I had been standing there for far too long. Far too damn long to be saved. So you learn how to live like that. Yes… in a burning house. And you keep them, the secrets, because why not? why risk everything after all these years? Why risk losing that beautiful, loathsome burning house… It almost feels like home. Until you don’t know where the secret ends and where you begin. #herNotes

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