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I apologize for the silence in the channel, there’ll be a break in confessions for a while as we work on new partnerships and bigger platform. Stick around so you dont miss the wild new stuff coming up
We resume in January
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I have a confession
So I was the lonely friendless (sometimes bullied) kid in elementary school and my home life wasn't anything awesome either. I took it out on myself. I used to fantasize about jumping off the stairwell in school, so much so that I can still picture that damn stairwell today-it covered a couple of floors and at the top of the three storey building was this flimsy railing for 18 year old me to fit through if I jumped. I ended up with a mix of depression and ADD diagnoses, but my mom doesn't believe in therapy nor in medication and so I ended up spending a lot of time in the house. She was probably one of the few people who I felt really liked me or something.
I think this because when I'm depressed, my mind lies. My mind says that I and my problems are just a bother to everyone around me. My mind tells me that nobody cares, that I'm just feeling sorry for myself, that I'm just a complainer and that no one wants to hear about it. My mind tells me that everyone is just being nice, that no one really likes me, that they just wish I would leave them alone. These are lies.
I sometimes feel suicidal, but I've had times where I couldn't think of a single person whose life was made better by my existence. Sometimes the idea of eating anything nauseates me; sometimes I binge because I reject food all the time when. I'm down. Exercise is nearly my everyday routine, so I loose weight, the social consequences of which depress me further. I cloister myself in my home and watch animes because it's familiar and comfortable and depression strips you of the comfort that most people take for granted..
If tomorrow brings hope,I hope I find internal happiness,thank you.
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