Everything ✨

screw relationships and friendships …i want healthy relationship with my parents. feeling like home around them, not feeling like walking on eggshells whenever they are present. being open to them with my problems, having a shoulder to cry on during hard times, parents that are proud of how far i’ve come and accept me the way i am. is that too much to ask for? @brokenso

Why does everything feel overwhelming at one point and other things come crushing down consecutively? When nothing else could get any worse, your worst moment gets redefined with more ordeals for you to go deal with. Everything makes you feel like a fox trapped under a hunter's ground. So, you'll eventually be left hiding your skin and caring less and less. @brokenso

I was waiting for the day I’d be feeling like this. You’re not my title anymore. You’re not the one person I ought to share cute reels with. You’re not the person I run to with my problems. You’re not the person I’ve been vulnerable to and opened up about what haunts me. You’re not the value you used to hold. You're not the person that i call my bestfriend anymore And I thank the universe for liberating me with this kind of life lesson. @brokenso

Tonight is one of the nights.... I close the door behind me and numbly lock it shut. I stare at my hands for long minutes before I finally start cutting. I gasp for each breath,silently sob about everything that went wrong all at once. Everything that is wrong with me and the world. Then I deal with it in the only way I know how. I take a deep exhausted shuddering breath as I quitely cry myself to sleep. The next morning I wake up huddled in a corner of my bed with a sore neck and a pounding headache .....yet I get out of bed just like any other morning @brokenso

I was waiting for the day I’d be feeling like this. You’re not my title anymore. You’re not the one person I ought to share cute reels with. You’re not the person I run to with my problems. You’re not the person I’ve been vulnerable to and opened up about what haunts me. You’re not the value you used to hold. You're not the person that i call my bestfriend anymore And I thank the universe for liberating me with this kind of life lesson. @brokenso

Having abusive parents, you learn to only care about things in secret liking things openly becomes unsafe, because your parents notice, and it's the first thing they'll take away from you the second they need to blackmail you. After a while it only feels safe to not care about anything, to not want anything, and to not be attached to anything, because then it can't be used against you, they can't use it against you. you have to be a pathetic if you don't want to be openly vulnerable to abuse. eventually you learn to hide everything from everyone. even your friends don't find out about it every pleasure feels like guilty pleasure, like you'll pay for it later. your entire life becomes a secret that feels too dangerous to tell anyone. @brokenso

i wish it ended in chaos. i wish it ended with screaming and yelling and harsh words tumbling from acid soaked tongues. i wish it ended in a way that scarred me, lit me on fire, and left something tangible for me to hold on to. but it didn't. it ended in quiet apologies, heartbroken stares, and silent tears. it ended with you calling me wonderful in the same breath you shattered my heart. it ended with me losing my sense of safety and me, being forced to let go of the one person i once called my bestfriend. @brokenso

did it hurt? when you realized that your childhood trauma was going to affect you for the rest of your life and truly changed you as a person and didn’t just give you a good sense of humor? @brokenso

I no longer believe in the idea of soulmates or love at first sight , but i am beginning to believe that a very few times in your life if u are lucky enough you might meet someone who is exactly right for you not because they are perfect but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together. @brokenso