To actually CHANGE yourself for better is one of hardest feats a man can make. I'm probably not an expert in it, however I will share with you thinks that I think can help you tremendously.
If you are physically in bad shape, you are LUCKY, because physical shape is one of the EASIEST things you can do. Just start training, remove processed and crap food and introduce extra proteins.
Very simple.
If you can't do this, you can't do other things.
Now get why you're lucky: if you introduce this, your body gets more prone for your change and AT THE SAME TIME you can introduce other change more easily. Like read a book at night instead of watch TV. Or a version of it.
Don't go too cruel on yourself. Loading too much is hardly sustainable, instead know a focus and whenever off the course, return to it asap.
Another thing that can help you is environmental detox.
I can confirm you now by being basically isolated for months that for people in modern world, telephones, obligations, etc, it is incredibly hard to hear their own thoughts. INCREDIBLY hard. People even forgot what humanity means. But it is not natural, it's like chart in oversold or overbought area, eventuall leads to some correction, and I can't imagine how will that correction look for human kind.
Without knowing you, I can say almost confidently you're overloaded in thoughts, stimulus and obligations.
Sometimes cutting down to pure basics is what you need.
Sometimes to heal up yourself you need to abandon temporarily even your close people, because a wounded wolf cannot defend it's pack even, you must heal up to be best for your own people and for whom you want to be, so have no excuses.
Become who you want to be, then do what you want to do.
So many people get kids etc and then they use them as excuse for being miserable in every aspect.
You'll not hear this anywhere: I wanted to write the F word but in this context sounded extremely weird, so I'll say just this: not even your kids, family or anyone, I repeat ANYONE should stand in your way to greatness.
Girls don't like guys who put them as center of their world for a reason.
You must have a mission. I tell you
QUALITY TIME can mean more than a lot of time.
QUALITY KNOWLEDGE can mean more than a lot of knowledge
QUALITY LIFE can mean more than bare existance.
And if that means for you to go now for 3 fucking months or 6 months in the woods with limited access to anything so you make a life plan, you train, get your health in order, get your body in order, get your mind and life plan in order... brother, if you can't afford that, then you're already dead.
I tried to help so many men I found... but many get stuck because they give too much weight to unimportant things. Money locks so many people.
Let me tell you all you need to know about money: HARD WORKING, EDUCATED AND/OR SKILLED INDIVIDUAL IS NOT WORRIED ABOUT BEING HUNGRY!
If you are, work on either dedication (to be able to work harder), education (smarter) or skill (more skilled).
Once you have this, don't get imprisoned by your stupid thoughts re money. I feel sorry for a friend who got million+, he built home, car, everything people usually do, and now he is hustling to upkeep the 'image' of some 'baller'... instead of fucking SELL HOUSE, SELL CAR, SELL EVERYTHING and you're young, use everything as ammunition to build what you believe in.
Then get three houses, three cars if you want to, and have a big dick swinging because you're proud of, you did it. The right way.
This message might come unpleasant to some, very valuable to some. I think to those to whom it will make a positive life impact is worthy of me now sharing it with you.
I'm your D Man, a brother, a friend, even though we never met.
Actions speak louder than words, even than some common bonds (some unknown guy vs some guy you drink beer with for example)... Sometimes that unknown guy is more known to you and more friend and a truly on your side than anyone else.
Very rare anomaly I must admit.
Here's to a positive anomaly!
D Man