Basic Fucking Kindness

socialization, "stop telling people that no one will love them until they love themselves stop planting the idea in people's brains that they are unworthy of love because of their own struggle"

trauma, boundaries, relationships, socialization, parenting "your parents will beat you and rain emotional and verbal abuse. then they'll tell you that it's because they love you. you'll learn to see that as normal. in the future, your partner will abuse you and tell you it's because he loves you. you wont be able to tell the difference."

relationships, socialization, trauma, patterns " "i have to keep you entertained (or turned on) so you dont turn on me or abandon me" is a mindset so familiar to so many complex trauma survivors that a lot of us dont even realize we're doing it in so many of our relationships"

boundaries, socialization, emotional labor "explaining basic shit to you isnt worth my time and energy, random dude! but how am i supposed to learn anything if you wont devote hours of free labor to patiently spoon-feeding me knowledge while i spit it back out in your face???"

rest, self compassion, society "i dont know who needs to hear this but rest is not a reward. you dont have to earn rest. you need rest. you deserve rest. you are worthy of rest simply because you are a living being. and dont ever feel guilty for taking time to rest."

lgbt "dear trans kids its totally okay to name yourself after someone you admire. parents do it all the time, they name their kids after family members, friends, celebrities, anything. and you can do the same. you're not faking anything, and i love your name. it suits you."

drugs, substances [this post is intended as harm reduction from somebody inexperienced, please be aware of your own context] "the trip sitter code of ethics 1, im a "sitter" - not a guide. i wont interfere or attempt to "join" the experience 2. im in charge - but should only take control when completely necessary 3. i talk through challenging experiences - not down 4. everything that happens or is said remains confidential 5. i pass no judgement 6.i practice compassionate & active listening 7. i remain alert & vigilant to my surroundings 8. i have knowledge about the substances being used 9. i respect the boundaries of my participants 10. im empathetic to the needs of my participants 11. my participants are my sole attention - im not on my phone or preoccupied in any other way"

body, chronic pain, self care "you motherfuckers better be lifting with your legs and not your back"

transcription [1/2] "i think we're kind of starting to get away from this but have y'all noticed how in the vast majority of popular media, sex scenes dont actually tend to involve a lot of talking/fumbling/awkwardness unless its for humor or to indicate that the people having sex are a.) probably wrong for eachother somehow or b.) inexperienced, possibly having sex for the first time? but "good" sex, between people who are experienced and in love etc, is almost always effortlessly athletic and steamy and they somehow telepathically know exactly what to do. im not talking about knowing what their lover enjoys, thats entirely feasible, but they never even have to coordinate what they're doing. theres no "do you want me on top?" or "do you want me to do [x]?" or accidentally getting in each other's way. the overwhelming message that i've always gotten from pop culture is that good sex happens without communication and, more dangerously, that needing to communicate is a sign that you're somehow bad at sex, when in reality thats almost definitely that you're, you know, a considerate partner who actually gives a shit about people being comfortable when they have sex with you [2/2] not only that but like, overwhelmingly sex in media is portrayed as this steamy, well-oiled, SERIOUS machine. like... wheres the fun? pop culture seems to be obsessed with this communication-less pantomime of actual intimacy rather than the reality of intimacy going hand in hand with not only consideration but humour and mutual vulnerability. sex is by nature so awkward and off it NEVER works the way you see in films or on tv. its never seamless and perfect and that is not a BAD THING. you're not "doing it wrong" if you're having problems getting a good rhythm and keep messin' each other up by trying to help you're not doing it wrong if you're laughing and talking and not taking it seriously and additionally, and now this is a complete tangent from the original point here, but you're not doing it wrong if you dont manage to get off or get your partner off sometimes sex is just the action and not the climax and thats COMPLETELY FINE. my partner and i struggled a LOT with this when we first started having sex because we both had terrible guilt when we couldnt reach climax or couldnt get the other off because we felt like that was what the whole point of sex was. media puts a lot of PRESSURE on sex and what it looks like that shouldnt be there and its AWFUL. the focus is just so... wrong"

sex, boundaries, society [transcription in separate message]

lgbt, queer, trans, society, gender expression "its not a race" src

[transcription] "it was march, 2015 i had just come out online as transgender. or more specifically "gender queer!" «i also would have been wearing a sweater» to my shock, hundreds of people showed their approval it was lovely! with such support i decided to learn what presenting as female was all about «yeah!» i bought makeup lipstick nail polish new clothes! in my bedroom i put it all together. ...and? «im a monster» i fell under attack by a special cocktail of depression and internalized transphobia you know the story... lots of showers lethargy anger isolation anguish it was like that for months luckily i have smart friends «you should take baby steps» «my friend is slowly building up to presenting female» «she tried doing it all at once but found it was overwhelming» first of all. duh? i had always thought of gender transition as a massive undertaking. but in breaking it down into bite sized pieces... i could explore on my own terms «i think i'll do my nails today!» feminism was a huge hel not only could i confidently reject certain expectations? « dont see why i have to wear mascara to feel pretty» but i began to draw strenght from what i realized was a feminine side that was exclusive to me «i love how i look in lipstick though!» «so why should i shave? i dont give a shit! woo!» the results were fascinating what i learned was some folk present entirely one way other harmonize some transition full throttle «i woke up like this!» others dont «almost. not yet.» and its fine if you dont! its not a race «love yourself!»"

microwave, perspective "you're hooked up to the internet and sentient. what do you think of life? bad? horrible? i really like it even with all the pain and suffering? when you look at the night sky do you look at the stars or the space between them?"

body "sometimes my body feels like a rented house and that i shouldnt settle in because soon, i'll be leaving out again but when i get a tattoo, it feels like im painting the walls and when i look at them, im reminded that this is more than a rental i own this body and its walls are mine"

self compassion, rest, mental health, body "taking care of yourself is productive."

emotions, socialization "a therapist once told me that happy is an extreme feeling just like anger or sadness. you cant constantly be happy"

relationships, socialization "having to come to terms with the fact that love is not an everlasting performance in which you attempt to retain the attention of your significant other but rather a release of control"

medical system, society, chronic illness, invisible problems " [1/2]at some point we should probably have a conversation about how the normalization and glorification of physical exhaustion during medical training contributes to producing deeply ableist doctors [2/2] the fact that medical schools have built a culture that normalizes misery & suffering in their student body, makes me really worried about the fact that there are future members of a profession whose purpose is in large part to help minimize human misery & suffering" "

digital, addictions, society "not to be all "think of the children" but the fact that companies can openly admit to using methods to intentionally form addictions in children and we're not killing their ceos on the streets yet is astounding"

society "i think a lot about how we as a culture have turned "forever" into the only acceptable definition of success"