tiny canvas

long day. started low, but gave it my all. showing up is half the work. doubts, stress, mood, exhaustion - all these affect us since we are mere mortals. but after countless mental stretch marks through ups and downs, i know for a fact that a day when i put up a fight and when i succumb to the stress paralyzed, are worlds apart. tomorrow is another day, gonna go at it til we nail the shit out of what we present to this world. persistence matters.

when i’m running on a treadmill, there are days when i’m just enjoying the run and get lost in the view or my own thoughts. there are also days when i struggle to finish the run, and keep watching how many miles left. startups feel the same way. when i’m hung up on the next raise, exit, and these

writing here instead of social media when i feel low is helpful because i can just unload my thoughts without having to reply to anyone. this is my monologue in its rawest form. i miss my family. living away from them while pursuing my dream motivates me to work harder, but it eats away from me bit by bit when i get trapped into thinking that i'm trading time i can spend with them in exchange for my dream. not sure why i feel this ways recently even though work is going relatively well. seeing them soon to heal my soul. gonna go for a walk and prep myself for a strong week ahead.

one life observation. life ~only smiles at me when i am making moves. while the work/dream has been going good recently, i’ve been feeling the weight of loneliness working alone during most of the week. i tried going to random local meetups/coworking sessions, and didn’t like it much, so started hosting my own Farcaster meetup for LA/OC. as far as the main variables in the equation called ‘my life,’ nothing really changed. i’m just making moves to make the best out of what i got on my plate. motion is lotion. lamenting about today without making any moves is just not fair. something to keep in my mind.

had a long day. still not fully well but gave it my absolute best. reading this note from a Farcaster friend of mine truly made my day. feel like i can touch the sky again. gonna rest with quality sleep and start tomorrow strong af.

Icarus >>>>>> those who never dared to fly high time to play with fire

launching a new game today! i haven't been feeling well from the flu these past 2 weeks, but worked hard regardless. our 9th app is not where i want it yet, but planning bold and moving fast every single day. not gonna obsess over the outcome. i merely give my best, leave luck to heaven, and repeat. let's go

motion is lotion. still not fully recovered from the flu yet, but by moving my body and mind, followed by yum food, i'm now thriving into the afternoon. moving is the only way to not die - same goes for startup, love, and life.

head felt heavy til now but with workout food and shower, got some sparks in my mind again. heading to a cafe to play with them

strange how closely tied to mind our body is. been sleepy with fever for a whole week and it finally got me feeling the lowest i’ve felt in quite a while today. what i notice on my low days: - i suffer from imagined worries - i can’t shake them off but the fact that i notice them is a big improvement. i just gotta take good rest and sleep early. get my mind distracted til i fall asleep. tomorrow is another day. all good

we are all players of the game called ‘life’ pursuing the prize called ‘love.’ love for dream, family, romance and beyond - these are what we stay alive for. was feeling sick and down from flu, but getting back up on my feet. a lot to be grateful for

Disney's idea of Disney Land didn't start out so grandiose. His initial obsession came from building toy trains. I used to ponder upon too deeply about the "vision" of something i build, and why i build it. I get it now. Motion is the greatest catalyst for imagineering. Gotta keep moving when i keep on moving, as a reward for motion, inspirations will come and smile upon me.

tiny notes to myself

one of the ambient mental pressure in my mind is that the clock is ticking, and i might run out of time before i can give the world to my loved ones. i blame it on myself, crush my shoulders, even though nobody is stressing me about it. it is toxic and these days clog my mind with pessimistic what ifs. all i can do is to give myself some space, give the day the best i got, and recharge. hardships are here to pass. i won't let these imagined worries take away my moment here and now.

as a bipolar startup founder, i feel pulled apart from the ups and downs unfolding in my mind here and there. my ups make me feel as if i can touch the sky. i feel confident, powerful, capable of doing anything i set my mind to. i orient myself forward to the future as if i’m there already - i love every moment of it. my downs drag me below the ground level. i feel powerless, guilty, and miserable beyond reality. i dig up all my past miseries, mistakes, and as if that weren’t enough, summon all imagined worries from the future of what ifs - i suffocate from the very thought of it. but like day and night, winter and spring, yin and yang, they pay me visits whether i like it or not. i’ve learned to not fight it unlike my past self. i just let it be. it’s a doubled edged sword that is also who i am. regardless, i am grateful. i’m casting my shots every single day whether i am up or down, and leave luck to heaven - that is my faith.

if you’ve ever all-out attempted to get something from 0 to 1, you also understand how it feels to wake up at 3am, staring into darkness feeling deeply fucked. it really doesn’t get easier, but it takes a while to get that it is all part of the ritual.

shipped something big for perl.xyz today. still recovering from cold, but gave it my all today. it's an incredible feeling. seeing something take form, come alive, and work out just the way we wanted - not at the jackpot yet, but the sun also rises tomorrow. enough spark to stay excited. now wrapping some work while eating some berries in front of a cozy candle. tv in the background. about to go for an evening walk. a founder friend asked me how i deal with burnout, and i honestly was stumped. i’ve been feeling it for a very long time. it just got numb to me at one point. these days at least, i found a good trail i love nearby. i walk and hike. nature heals, but it doesn’t make the hard thing any easier, so just learning to pace myself.

our dreams can give us the reason to breathe, or become the very force that suffocates us. it's neither a shining ray of light or suppressing darkness. it just is the directional cue to help us find our true inner character.

at a split decision point where we either: 1. make everything watertight but go slower 2. launch, think, fine-tune as we go we usually take 2. it’s an adventure, but momentum is everything in this startup game. time to go out the gate swinging first. plan bold. move fast. leave luck to heaven.