mallory

feeling everything at once and there is nothing i can do to stop it.

it's back again.

i wish i was enough for you.

.....

you drained everything in me.

there was something so damn special about you in the beginning you were rare but time revealed the most honest parts of you. and it turns out everything about you was a lie and you were just like the others.

the way that letting go hurts more than staying and keeping the loop going<<

tbh i'm starting to hate life more and more, i'm just getting so tired of all this and how life is. thinking twice if i should take my life already. i'm so tired and it hurts so bad, it's like, my body and mind is shutting down.

i'm starting to feel numb again. feeling like i'm floating in my body. faking emotions just for the people around me. i'm scared. i don't want them to think badly of me. i bottled my emotions so much i can't feel them anymore. i'm just trying to stay while my entire world is crumbling around me.

i am sad again. for awhile i got to be someone different- cool girl, fun girl, always up for anything girl. like playing dress up i wore the persona of someone that was easy to love, easy to hold onto. now the air is icing over and i cannot be this person anymore- maybe i was never her or maybe she died at the beginning of the month when the air was static silent for ten long days. am sad again, and the afternoons are getting darker. i won't ask you to stay through this tired and heavy winter.