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Repost from النِهاية، مرةً أُخرىٰ.🎏
أوبِّخهُ وأنام
قَلْبِي الذي يُحدّثُني لا أدْرِي لِمَ
أنّ شَيئًا جميلًا سَيكون غدًا في الصَباح.
—إيشيكاوا تاكوبوكو، الأعمال الكاملة.
212
The bad place couldn’t find me, so instead he gave me your name,
and I spent years thinking you’d love me, but you, you never came.
I thought the gift would change me,
but to know is not to love, and I spent years so confused that the gift must have come from above.
That some silly little angel had just let your name slip out.
They didn’t know that your name I would look for in all the places I would go,
and you were there sometimes.
So I let my guard down, entertaining the idea that you just had to be around.
They were so much like what I wanted that I let them convince me that it had to be right, but I would go to sleep with this knowing feeling that I was mistaking a match for sunlight,
but what is the sun if not on fire?
So I convinced myself to stay.
They didn’t make much of a difference, I would’ve convinced myself anyway.
Because it had to be true, didn’t it?
There was no you that could be wrong.
What do you do if the prayer you whisper for is somehow taking too long?
I miss my future husband, and all the places we might go.
I’m caught between losing hope and the hopefulness to know that somebody might love me when it’s 4 P.M. and I’m fast asleep.
I keep entertaining these ideas that are just illusions that I keep.
That he’s still out there, waiting, and wishing.
Not for someone else, but for me,
but we both keep thinking how stupid and ridiculous could we both be?
Letting go to get closer.
Losing sleep to feel awake.
How many talking stages do I have to go through?
How much of my sanity will it take?
I’m wasting time wanting, but I can’t want something new when I’m entirely sure that I’m still single because of some idea of you, but you has no meaning, you has no face.
You’re the person I look for in every new place.
I used to I guess, when I was younger, more naive.
When a fairy tales weren’t stories, but futures in which I would still believe.
How long is too long to look for and never find?
I was gonna say I miss my future husband but you know what?
Never mind.
I miss what love could be.
I miss when it all meant something.
Still, you can’t miss somebody you never met, but part of me I think always will.
I miss the life we could have had together.
Even though I love mine so much.
Today he’s out there wishing I don’t lose hope.
Maybe I’m wishing for the same anyway.
- diaryofaromantica, I miss my future husband and that’s the silliest thing to say.
