Benjamin Zulu Global

There will be men who want you and a man who deserves you. Know the difference. Learn the difference.

Friends are those who plug you in when they hear of an opportunity that would suit you, and they keep you aligned with the larger ideals. You can have toxic friends who only get you drinking too much, losing focus, spending money wrongly, forgetting your family and losing grip of things at work. This is not friendship but bad influence. Real friends will give you good times and positive challenge in equal measure. They recommend you in their circles and they expect excellence from you. They remind you of what matters. They live by healthy values of being responsible and true to each other and to your families. When you spend time with them you go home buoyant and energised, not disoriented and confused. Friendships also grow stale. In deciding if it's still worth it to hang out with someone always check their life and their values, for what they have is what they will give you.

Why do people who left you in an insulting manner and verbal abuse come back? They heard that you're doing well without them and that offends their god-complex. Those 'You'll never be happy without me' statements they blurted on their way out. They want to see if they still have access to your emotions. They use the same sweet words to see if you're still foolish enough to swallow the bait. Be sure to return their nonsense on their face with the sarcasm it deserves. They're coming to disrupt your special day and get a kick to their sick ego that they're still that powerful. They also want to spy if there's any important people giving you attention. They're in dire need and you're the only person they can turn to. Do not disrupt their karma. They have been left by who they left you for. Solution? It's your time to shine and get power back by being rock solid and unaffected by their incessant pleas. This is the time to change the perception of being so weak and easy to interfere with. Display your power and affirm that you're totally over them.

If someone disrespects and mistreats you until you leave don't allow them to play mind games by talking to your parents. You're the one they hurt, you're the one in the situation. Your parents have nothing to do with the whole issue. If they cannot persuade you and instead they start going around to get you through your parents, surprise them. Let them know you can see through their manipulations and you're not a part of it. Even a healthy parent will not agree to pressure you. They will leave you to decide and then they support you in what you decide.

Stop wasting your magic on people who cannot see how rare you are. Stop running behind people and coming second in their life when you're supposed to be a treasure to be won and safeguarded. You're not meant to be the fighter - you're the reward to be fought for. You're forgetting your place again. 'It's a waste to put gold rings on pigs,' says Scriptures, because that won't stop the pigs from digging up mud and garbage. When you know your nature and worth you stop attaching yourself to the wrong people. You understand that people cannot treat you any better than their mindset and nature allows. You may be gold and you may make the swine look better but that doesn't mean the swine's nature has changed. They will still dip you in mud because that's their nature.

Normal people can't just turn off love out of nowhere, or switch from being attentive and caring to being distant and cold; but narcissists do this on a regular basis to keep you in their thrall. You see, to them love is not a real feeling or commitment but an act they perform, a tool they use to trap people.

If they hurt you so much to a point where you had to learn to prioritise your own well being above any relationship or the love you feel for someone, they were really being used to grow you up. No point being bitter with them: just be grateful for the vital lesson.

Never stay too long in an environment where you no longer feel sparked into the mood of curiosity and exploration. Without dreaming and fantasy, something within us sleeps. And when your mind is no longer getting excited by novelty and the hunger for the new, your evolution will grind to a halt. This is the root of that troubling sensation of being lost or soul-less. Always respect your instinct for increase and the spur to keep moving.

Rest assured that when you're in a relationship with a narcissist there's always another whole secret life going on behind your back. This is because narcissists are disordered people and they're not satisfied by the normal things that satisfy healthy people. A happy relationship or a committed partner. Honesty and loyalty in a relationship. They have such a gnawing emptiness and disturbance within them that they must do forbidden things to feel okay. They will have affairs, swindle people of money, use drugs. The more you put in more work to make the relationship stand the more you play into their scheme to exploit and frustrate you. You're not the problem and you cannot fix them. So where do you get the diagnosis to know that you're dealing with a narcissist? You don't need a diagnosis. Once you observe pathological or extreme lying, constant pretence and portraying a different image to the outside world than who they are at home, inability to own up to wrongs and apologise, those are enough signs that you're dealing with a very sick person. Save yourself.

I promise that I will not hate anyone, but I will distance myself from people that don't value me. I will not carry grudges or missions of revenge but I will take a path away from those that offend my spirit. I will not bear anger or ill will towards my fellow men but I will sever the cords of fellowship with anyone who peddles discord and bitterness. I promise not to engage in lower vibrational exchange with those who spoil for war and to instead step aside and stay on a path of peace.

Marrying someone because you got pregnant with them is like shooting yourself in the foot. Marriage is a matter of character and capacity, not fertility. Many people you will like and fall for are not capable of marriage. You may have slept and even conceived with them but they lack the stability required for marriage. They may lack the emotional self regulation and understanding. Once more, stop marrying chemistry and complications. And for brothers, there's more to a marriageable woman than beauty and boobs. Remember all slay queens and killer babes have been very attractive to behold. Always marry character and stability. And be especially suspicious of women who seem to have banked too much on their physical beauty and put less work on real internal development. This kind is the worst because they have no other resource except their body and they can easily cash-in if a good buyer crosses their path. And if the relationship is unstable already such that you keep breaking up and getting back together, how do you expect to derive a stable marriage from something so unstable? Those stormy feelings you have for the person are not always love but just that - feelings. Feelings elicited by your fear of being alone and unhealed wounds. Do not mistake the emptiness of needing to heal with a desire for marriage. You'll end up with another unstable asylum seeker like yourself, and your 'refugee camp' of a marriage will be the center of explosions and drama.

When you meet the right person you'll fall in love twice: first with them and then with your own life. The right person will appreciate you in such a manner that you begin to see your worth as well. Anyone who makes you doubt and question yourself is not a lover but an imposter. Remember a quick way to diagnose whether you're in a harmful relationship is to check the trajectory your life has taken since they came in. Have you improved or deteriorated or even stagnated? You shall know them by their fruit. When you're inside the relationship you may not see everything in perspective and they can hide their snake nature but if you examine the fruit they've introduced into your life you'll get clarity at once.

When you meet the right person you'll fall in love twice: first with them and then with your own life. The right person will appreciate you in such a manner that you begin to see your worth as well. Anyone who makes you doubt and question yourself is not a lover but an imposter. Remember a quick way to diagnose whether you're in a harmful relationship is to check the trajectory your life has taken since they came in. Have you improved or deteriorated or even stagnated? You shall know them by their fruit. When you're inside the relationship you may not see everything in perspective and they can hide their snake nature but if you examine the fruit they've introduced into your life you'll get clarity at once.\

If you look back you'll realise that often when you lost something or someone left you, they were replaced by better ones. So what appeared to be losses turns out to have been transitions. You tried to cling on when nature was trying to clean up. A lot will improve in your life when you learn to allow things to come and go at their seasons without forcing. You must know when to say good bye and never to overstay your welcome.

Intimacy is more about truth than it is about sex. When you realise you can tell someone your truth without attracting retaliation or punishment, when you realise you can show yourself to them, when you can stand in front of them and their response is 'you're safe with me,' that's intimacy. (Taylor Jenkins Reid) Whoever you can bare your mind with by speaking without holding back; when you can open your heart to them and share your hopes and aspirations, that's the person you're intimate with. We live in a sexualised society where closeness and connection has been reduced to emotional and physical levels, but such connections are superficial and fleeting. Sexual intimacy only makes sense when it comes as an icing on top of these deeper layers of connectedness. The deepest points of connection is when we feel someone in our laughter, when we find fun in the same things. When we see our truth reflected in them, when we realise that we live for the same things. Aim at these levels of intimacy and you'll never be disappointed.

'Don't let their phone ruin your marriage.' Phones cannot ruin anything. It's the dirty little things people do and hide in their phones that ruin the marriage. 'If you're looking for trouble you'll find it.' I'm not paranoid but neither I'm I stupid. If a dog senses danger it will go closer to take a look and sound the alarm. We're both the watchdogs of our relationship and I believe we're supposed to do the same. If I'm invested in the marriage I will obviously be interested if I pick suspicious energy from my partner. 'If you find those texts, what are you going to do?' That's called violation of trust, Karen. It's a trespass of the very thing that's keeping us together. If there is no trust, there is no point. 'I will not touch your phone and neither should touch mine.' So what are we doing together? That's where we were before coming together. Are you asking to go back there? Otherwise how can I give you access to my whole life but blockade my communications 'server'? What exactly is there to hide there? If you wanted to keep your sacred cows you should just have stayed single. Cheat code alert: this rule of 'don't touch mine I won't touch yours' is always proposed by the guilty one. Also remember that cheaters are not always cheating; they just have their doors open to it. When they meet the perfect fit to cheat with they will do it. In the meantime they're usually checking boundaries through flirting. It takes work to find someone to cheat with, and they're on the lookout. Flirting doesn't mean 'talking romance for fun.' Remember you and this person also started out flirting and today you're married. Flirting means knocking doors to see which one will open. During searching you flirted to find a partner. When people are married they're flirting looking for sex partners, even if that other person is unaware that this person is married. The only motivation for a married person to flirt is sexua pleasure. Many married people have had outsiders try to hit on them and it irritated you and you told them off or blocked them. Imagine that's what your partner is doing to other people behind your back. Where is the fairness there?

You should stop caring about those who don't care about you. It doesn't matter that you have a history with them or you even got children with them. If you continue hanging onto hopes about a person who doesn't think much about you except when they need to use you, are you being kind to yourself? There's a difference between being patient and wasting your time. One means extending the grace of time where it's needed and appreciated, while the other one means holding yourself hostage waiting for someone to change when all signs show they're just taking advantage of you while enjoying their life. You're not 'fighting for your union' if that means fighting against your own wellbeing. Everyone can abandon you and you will survive it, but the day you abandon yourself all is lost. If you were conditioned to worry more about the wellbeing of other people above your own, due to growing up under emotionally immature and unavailable parents, you need to recognise that as the root of your attachment to unavailable people and cure it first. You may not have caused the damage but you must be the one to fix it.

You don't always lose your marriage to infidelity or abuse. You can lose it to complacency. If you stop investing in your relationship, dreaming with and growing together with your partner, including them in your thoughts and plans, eventually they'll be forced to leave. Marriage is not a paper or a house, but a life. Once you stop pouring into that life there will be no marriage anymore. There may be a shell of what was once a living union, and many people allow things to die like that, but there will be no essence to it. No energy between you except tension and distance. A lot of people fight like enemies because they're no longer in marriage but rather in a dead history of it. Complacency and neglect will kill even the most beautiful flowers, and the most vibrant love story too. If you want your union to remain, you must remain in the place of nourishing it yourself. The wheel of love does not turn by gravity but by effort and investment.