Heartleap

Every time someone sends me a song I feel like I’m visited by a beautiful carrier pigeon with a letter wrapped around its leg

"I am always between two worlds, always in conflict. I would like sometimes to rest, to be at peace, to choose a nook, make a final choice, but I can’t. Some nameless, undescribable fear and anxiety keeps me on the move. On certain evenings like this, I would like to feel whole. Only a half of me is sitting by the fire." – The Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1931-1934

توی سال ۲۰۰۹ توی اجرای زیرزمینی تی‌شرت د استروکز پوشیدن

No One Knows About Persian Cats (2009)

شوگیز چینی، چون شوگیز همه نوعش خوبه⭐️

همینگوی میگه سرسخت و واضح درمورد چیزی که اذیتت می‌کنه بنویس. شاید تنها کاری که الان از دستمون برمیاد همین باشه، اینکه سعی کنیم این چیزی که نمی‌دونیم چیه و دوست نداره هیچ‌جا جای بگیره رو مجبور کنیم جایی محصور بشه.‌

با دوستم فیلم‌های قدیمی نگاه می‌کنیم، به آهنگ‌های قدیمی گوش میدیم و عکس‌های گذشته‌مون رو بالا و پایین می‌کنیم. اینجا هنوز فاجعه اتفاق نیوفتاده بود. اینجا قبل از دی‌ ماه بود. اینجا اینترنت نداشتیم. اینجا تازه جنگ اولمون بود. گرچه به شوخی میگیم چقدر جوون‌تر بودیم، ولی انگار واقعا یه چیزی دیگه توی ما وجود نداره. با خودم فکر می‌کنم که فرقی نداره وسط ماجرا باشی یا در و پنجره‌های خونه‌ت رو محکم ببندی و بگی واست مهم نیست؛ سیاهی و غم وقتی که جمعی باشه راه خودش رو به سمت تو باز می‌کنه. همون لحظه که نگاهت به یه سمت دیگه‌ست و حواست رو گذاشتی روی دوام آوردن، یه چیزی از لای انگشت‌هات میوفته پایین و تا ابد توی دل اون تاریکی‌ای که همه جا رو گرفته ناپدید میشه.

I have always been caught between two dots the first breath and the last, the birth of light and its quiet surrender into dark. Between the crown and the exile, between being seen by everyone and disappearing completely. I keep finding myself between roads I recognize and roads that know nothing of me. I lose my nights to dreams and my days to sleep, while the voices outside me and the voices within me never seem to rest. So sometimes I shut down. I become a dark room with a moon shaped window, a lost child on a ship too vast to steer. Sometimes I want to leave it all step into the ocean and let the waves swallow every question. But no keep the ship moving. Keep the lanterns burning. Keep the music playing. Because somewhere beneath it all, there is still a girl who would dance on the deck at three in the morning, barefoot beneath a dying moon, if no one were watching. And sometimes I wonder is there anyone who would stay to watch? Perhaps that is all I am: a trembling space between two dots, between becoming and disappearing, while the ship keeps sinking and somehow somewhere against all reason, against all sorrow, I am still dancing.

Between two dots

نقاش: مریم حسین‌زاده. 🩷 همسر محمد مختاری. :(

Damon Albarn and Françoise Hardy (1995)

your 20s is all about sharing delicious meals with your friends and walking around the city till your feet hurts btw

“What is the greatest gift? Could it be the world itself—the oceans, the meadowlark, the patience of the trees in the wind? Could it be love, with its sweet clamor of passion? Something else—something else entirely holds me in thrall. That you have a life that I wonder about more than I wonder about my own.“