corn.

you procrastinate endlessly because failure after real effort would destroy the comforting belief that you were always meant to be exceptional

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sometimes i wonder how much of my personality is actually me, and how much of it is just the result of everything i've been through. the way i react to things, the things i avoid, the people i get attached to, the things i pretend not to care about. i don't know if i've always been this way or if life slowly taught me to be. and honestly, i'm scared that one day i'll finally heal from everything that changed me, only to realize i have no idea who i am without it.

man is a creature who can get used to anything. that's the blessing. that's the curse. we adapt to misery so well, we forget we were ever meant for joy.

I love humanity, but I wonder if I can tolerate a single human being for more than an hour. cause as i said i love humanity, but most of the human lack humanity nowadays.

maybe that's why growing up feels like losing people even when nobody actually leaves. everyone changes slightly, then you change slightly, and one day you're talking to someone you've known for years and realize you're both remembering a friendship that doesn't really exist in the same way anymore. nothing happened. which almost makes it worse.

why is "i'll sleep early tonight" such an easy lie to tell when there is absolutely nothing stopping me from doing it.

human connections where you're only valued when you act like an agreeable machine, constantly making everyone happy by fulfilling their wants!!

nobody talks about the internal shame and discomfort of wasting the potential that comes from a place of privilege, having all the means and resources, yet failing to achieve something significant. it's when you realize that you have no external factors to blame, that you are born into a family where basic amenities are taken care of, where failures have safety nets, where you have the time the underprivileged dream of, yet you are unable to utilize that undue advantage, that unfair headstart, to truly excel at something meaningful

It secretly terrifies me that I have no solid personality or identity. If you asked me who I am I could only give you a name and age. My identity is fragmented and prone to shattering under pressure. I have no idea who I am, but I know each of my created personalities very well, it's like being 50 people all at once and nobody at all at the same time. I'm an empty body with a mind that's overflowing.

when i watch other people my age, i see that they have this kind of effortless way about them that i don't think i'll ever have. the way they talk to each other and the way they go out and pursue what interests them without having to think twice about it. the way they know how to conduct themselves, the way it all comes so naturally to them, like breathing or swimming or riding a bike. it's like they all have something ingrained in them that i just don't have, and it's so embarrassing and it's fucking killing me.

You mistake detachment for freedom, but if you were truly free, you wouldn't resent the world for not seeing the part of you still craving to be understood.

I have to be someone's type?

Who am i without imperfection?

when i'm fucking mad, and bro says "You can't see your reflection in boiling water. When the water's calm, clarity comes." But my bro never said me this.

The older i get, i realize my mom was right, but i just don't like her tone.

Sometimes, talking to mom feels like the therapy you needed. And sometimes, you need therapy after talking to mom.