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somewhere between brainrot and peak wisdom i post a lot about my current obsessions (which change way too often (lowkey a photo dump as well)
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528
i close my eyes trying to summon sleep but all i see are the memories i want to bury six feet under the ground.
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i thought i would leave all of this behind with the old year. but i suppose made promises out of desperation. they were brittle promises tho. i should have known they would crack the moment i touched them. why do i insist on dressing myself up as someone better every january? i knew i wasn’t that strong and still i let myself believe that naming a new year could cauterize old wounds. i ruin things with such precision that it feels almost deliberate, like i am loyal only to my own undoing. i told myself i wouldn’t text him again, but my hands moved faster than my brain. the worst part is not that i failed, but that i already know i will fail again. it’s a pattern.
so why keep up the facade? why pretend i am cured when i am still bleeding in the same places? i am exhausted by my own performance of recovery. i want to get better but there is a part of me that reaches backward, that drags me down because at least there i know the shape of my misery.
maybe this is what it means to live inside yourself - to be both the wound and the hand that keeps pressing on it, wondering why it won’t heal.
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epispde 42
ek toh this king looks so dead. erwin's so smart. actually, all of these people are so smart. half the things that are happening with the church and historia related are so cult-ish.
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who would have thought saumya would be watching an anime religiously in the big 26? but well, the things we do for-
