Prepare for IELTS with me

I don't claim that I could do a lot for Abdusattor's writing skills, I just tried to provide feedback for him for several times. Despite this little practice, he could manage to reach 6.5 in writing, which is amazing I guess, cuz I also got 6.5 😄

Bizda personal information degan narsaga tupirib qo'yishgande boru😂 Nomer so'rab OTM larga borishadi, ular hamma talabani nomeri, ism, familiyasi hammasini shundo bervorishadi, jin ursin

I realized that there are problems related to TR in my essay too, I haven't compared the two ways of filmmaking

While the version proposed by Chatgpt has not excellent TR, you can learn a lot for the improvement of other areas

> Conversely, the democratization of filmmaking offers numerous opportunities for individuals and communities. It empowers aspiring filmmakers to tell their stories, share their perspectives, and reach a global audience through online platforms. This can lead to greater diversity of voices and narratives within the film industry, enriching the cultural landscape. Moreover, independent filmmaking can provide avenues for economic empowerment, enabling individuals to generate income through advertising, crowdfunding, or distribution deals. Explanation: * Expanded the scope by discussing the benefits beyond financial gain, such as empowerment, diversity, and cultural enrichment. * Replaced informal language ("handsome profit") with more formal vocabulary ("economic empowerment"). * Improved sentence structure and flow. * Used more specific examples of how independent filmmakers can generate income. Original Conclusion: > In conclusion, the ease of content creation can raise concerns for independent filmmakers because they sometimes may disregard common morals by chance. However, independent filmmaking can enable people to achieve their financial goals thanks to the opportunities for advertising products of companies. Revised Conclusion: > In conclusion, the accessibility of filmmaking presents both opportunities and challenges. While it empowers individuals and fosters creative expression, it also necessitates a responsible approach that considers ethical implications and potential societal impact. As digital technology continues to evolve, it is crucial to find a balance between artistic freedom and social responsibility within the realm of filmmaking. Explanation: * Summarized the main points of the essay. * Reaffirmed the balanced perspective on the issue. * Offered a concluding thought about the future of filmmaking. * Used more sophisticated vocabulary and sentence structures. Additional notes: * This revised version is approximately 350 words, which is within the recommended range for IELTS Writing Task 2. * You can further personalize the essay by adding specific examples from your own knowledge or experience. * Remember to proofread carefully before submitting your final essay.

## Revised Essay with Explanations: Original Introduction: > Nowadays, it is customary that large filmmaking companies are not the only game players in this field because of modern technologies that everyone can produce a film with. Although this may result in issues associated with moral standards, there are many benefits that may result from the ease of film creation. Revised Introduction: > The advent of digital technology has democratized filmmaking, enabling individuals beyond large production companies to create and share their own films. While this accessibility presents exciting opportunities for creative expression and innovation, it also raises concerns about potential ethical challenges and the impact on the established film industry. Explanation: * Replaced informal language ("game players") with more formal vocabulary ("advent," "democratized"). * Broadened the scope by mentioning creative expression and the impact on the film industry. * Used a more complex sentence structure to convey the main idea. Original Body Paragraph 1: > On the one hand, some people may face issues related to social disagreement to their content. Each society usually has certain social standards and values which people living there need to obey. It should also be noted that some people may fail to take these common standards into account while making a film. This is mainly because of human nature, meaning each person, as a human, may make a mistake during their lives despite their unwillingness to do so. However, this often does not mean that they cannot be condemned by the members of society because of the value of the existing morals. For instance, in Uzbekistan, content creators are sometimes criticized by the general public on social media platforms for these filmmakers’ unethical products which cannot match social standards out there. Among many reasons, this is only one which can explain why accessibility of filmmaking can give rise to some issues for the creator of a film. Revised Body Paragraph 1: > One potential drawback of accessible filmmaking lies in the risk of generating content that clashes with established social norms and values. As independent filmmakers may not possess the same level of awareness or sensitivity as established production companies, their work could inadvertently offend or alienate certain audiences. For example, in Uzbekistan, instances have arisen where content creators faced public criticism on social media platforms for producing films deemed incompatible with local cultural standards. This highlights the importance of responsible filmmaking and considering the potential societal impact of creative choices. Explanation: * Replaced vague phrasing ("issues related to social disagreement") with more precise language ("content that clashes with established social norms"). * Developed the argument by explaining why independent filmmakers might be more prone to such issues. * Used a more formal and objective tone. * Improved sentence structure and flow. Original Body Paragraph 2: > On the other hand, this ease of filmmaking can make a positive turning people in many people’s lives. It is undoubted that filmmaking can pave the way for becoming famous as these films can gain public eye on media, especially on social media platforms. Hence, independent filmmakers can make handsome profit in various ways, including advertising. Take my country, Uzbekistan, as an example one more time. Independent content creating profession is considered one of the most lucrative professionals. This is because this job can aid them in reaching financial independence thanks to the opportunity for making a lucrative deal with businesses for advertising. This means that people can, via independent filmmaking, attain financial security due to the availability of digital filmmaking devices. Revised Body Paragraph 2:

TOPIC (day 6): Nowadays, it is not only large companies that are able to make films as digital technology enables anyone to produce films. Is this a positive or negative development? Nowadays, it is customary that large filmmaking companies are not the only game players in this field because of modern technologies that everyone can produce a film with. Although this may result in issues associated with moral standards, there are many benefits that may result from the ease of film creation. On the one hand, some people may face issues related to social disagreement to their content. Each society usually has certain social standards and values which people living there need to obey. It should also be noted that some people may fail to take these common standards into account while making a film. This is mainly because of human nature, meaning each person, as a human, may make a mistake during their lives despite their unwillingness to do so. However, this often does not mean that they cannot be condemned by the members of society because of the value of the existing morals. For instance, in Uzbekistan, content creators are sometimes criticized by the general public on social media platforms for these filmmakers’ unethical products which cannot match social standards out there. Among many reasons, this is only one which can explain why accessibility of filmmaking can give rise to some issues for the creator of a film. On the other hand, this ease of filmmaking can make a positive turning people in many people’s lives. It is undoubted that filmmaking can pave the way for becoming famous as these films can gain public eye on media, especially on social media platforms. Hence, independent filmmakers can make handsome profit in various ways, including advertising. Take my country, Uzbekistan, as an example one more time. Independent content creating profession is considered one of the most lucrative professionals. This is because this job can aid them in reaching financial independence thanks to the opportunity for making a lucrative deal with businesses for advertising. This means that people can, via independent filmmaking, attain financial security due to the availability of digital filmmaking devices. In conclusion, the ease of content creation can raise concerns for independent filmmakers because they sometimes may disregard common morals by chance. However, independent filmmaking can enable people to achieve their financial goals thanks to the opportunities for advertising products of companies. 373 words, 48 minutes

## Strengths of the Essay: * Clear Thesis Statement: The essay clearly states the topic and presents the writer's opinion in the first paragraph. * Balanced Approach: The essay discusses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the potential for technology to both decrease and increase crime. * Specific Examples: The writer provides relevant examples to support their claims, such as the decrease in street robberies in London and the rise in cybercrime reported by the FBI. * Logical Organization: The essay follows a clear structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. * Concluding Paragraph: The essay summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's opinion. ## Weaknesses of the Essay: * Limited Scope: The essay primarily focuses on surveillance technology and cybercrime, neglecting other types of technology and their impact on crime (e.g., social media, artificial intelligence, etc.). * Oversimplification: The essay presents a somewhat simplistic view of the relationship between technology and crime, without exploring the complexities and nuances involved. * Lack of Nuance in Arguments: The arguments could be strengthened by acknowledging counterpoints and addressing potential objections. For example, the essay could mention the limitations of surveillance technology, such as privacy concerns and potential for misuse. * Repetitiveness: Some points are repeated unnecessarily, such as mentioning the alarming function of cameras multiple times. * Word Choice: The essay occasionally uses informal language ("tools cannot help people prevent crimes") and could benefit from more precise vocabulary to enhance the formality of the writing. * Sentence Structure: Some sentences are overly long and complex, which can hinder readability. * Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few minor grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that should be corrected. ## Suggestions for Improvement: * Expand the scope of the essay: Explore a wider range of technologies and their potential impact on crime, including both positive and negative aspects. * Provide a more nuanced analysis: Acknowledge the complexities and challenges associated with using technology to address crime. * Strengthen the arguments: Address potential counterarguments and provide evidence to support each claim. * Vary sentence structure and word choice: Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve readability and enhance the formality of the writing. * Proofread carefully: Ensure that the essay is free of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. ## Overall: The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. However, it would benefit from further development and refinement to address the weaknesses mentioned above.

1St body too specific bogan, it's not good, it's too bad

I was gonna write an essay with 3 main body paragraphs, I couldn't manage time in an effective way though and changed my mind