Zion

MARK :FOUR:THIRTY NINE Worthless Useless Dissapointment Crazy Delusional Broken Fragile Weak Fraud Why cant you just be like the rest of them? Why cant you just be normal like all your friends? What is irreversibly wrong with you that you cant even do the simple task of just breathing? How are you this dull that you cant even realise that you are just a burden ,just a waste in this large universe? When are you going to stop playing dress up and go see yourself? Worthless Useless Dissapointment Crazy Delusional Broken Fragile Weak Fraud Whats going on? HELP!! I cant do this anymore Make it stop please!! My lungs are not working as they should My heart is not beating as it should My brain is not thinking like it should I am not functioning like a human could Whats wrong with me? Whats going on? HELP!! I dont know how to make it stop I dont think I can do this anymore I dont know what to do so I think I am just going to go But that was when you apeared wallking on the storm of my thoughts with ease Striding with a peaceful grace that even the words just vanished in awe even those savage winds that captured my lungs stood still waiting for what you would say even the mighty darkness that wielded it's sword on my heart shrinked away with fear And all you did was say one word that made all the reckless havoc in my brain disapear All you did was give one command and all the scary places in my head siezed to exist All you did was utter one word that righted my existence and rescued me from my grave All you said was HUSH and they all seemed to obey.

DEAR YOU I will wait I am waiting I am still waiting I am always waiting Waiting for you Waiting for us Waiting for what we could be Waiting for the prophecy to fulfill itself Waiting for this miraculous mystery to be solved Waiting for it all to unveil itself so I could see you, your smile, your heart and every nook and cranny in your soul Waiting for my words to rhyme your name Waiting for my heart to leap with joy in your presence Waiting for the me I will be Waiting for the eyes I have never seen Waiting for what I have never planned Waiting for what I have never felt I will wait I am waiting I am still waiting I am always waiting for it all to be real.

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The little girl who thought she could hit God with a small pebble I had my first memorable encounter with death when I was six or maybe seven , it wasn't beautiful nor glorious it was just confusing . When I was a kid I had a wonderfully beautiful friend ,she was cheerful,mischievous and full of wonder ,she was a physical embodiment of life ,she had a habit of saying hi to everyone, she had a confidence that was too big to fit her tiny body she would go around asking people questions that were not meant to be asked because they were just too silly or dumb and she would come up with the most ridiculous ideas like once she started telling everyone that if they throw the small pebbles they were playing with a bit higher they would hit God and the funny thing was since she said these things with such confidence you would believe her ,she had long silky hair and she was light skinned ,she was friendly to an extent that makes you feel like she knows all the nooks and crannies in your soul ,she had big brown eyes that were filled with warmth and helped her get away with anything she wanted ,she had the power to make anyone she encountered like her,she was like a blip of light in a time where life felt really dark in my little world , the sad truth about this world is that beautiful things don't last long in it and the same thing happened to her ,her beautiful and wonderful soul ceased to exist after six years of living,I remember my cousins talking about it they said she accidentally ate rat poison, there were lots of speculations about how she accidentally took it ,some people said it was lathered on a bread meant for the rat and she ate it some say she drunk it thinking it was her flu syrup I didn't understand much of what was happening I just knew my friend wouldn't be there in the class or playground anymore I didn't know what to do with this piece of information so I just tucked it away and kept on going to school and just living ,fast forward a year later I am in first grade watching my now favorite movie "a letter to God" and I abruptly broke down into tears not because of how the movie ended but because I missed my wonderful and beautiful friend ,I still didn't understand where she went or what happened to her but I knew she wasn't in this world anymore because even through my young eyes I knew the world was duller than it had been a year ago when she was going around laughing and making silly jokes ,when she was bulldozing her tiny legs into this large and ominous world,my mom didn't know what to do with me because I just kept on sobbing my heart out after I finally calmed down my mother sat me down and told me that she is with God and that her little soul is in heaven after she told me that i felt a little lighter because I finally knew where all that laughter and sunshine went , I finally understood what to do with that piece of information I tucked away,I let my tiny fingers that held onto it so tightly let it go so it could fly to where she is ,up in the sky with the God she thought she could hit with pebbles.

Soon the untold issues will be written You will see what i have been feeling.

I was burning with so much weariness my bones ached I was swimming in a pitiful flame of sorrow I was lying in puddle of restless ashes I was inhaling the corpse of my devotion I was not full of fresh air and healthy lungs I was puffing tiny little breaths hoping they would last me for atleast a day I was melting and exploding into tiny flares of nothingness I was reaching the end of myself until you flipped the coin and showed me your kindness Until you enriched my soul with your grace Until your spirit became a fuel for my weary legs Until you came and gave me your love that breathed life into my barely there lungs Until your compassion rebuilt me from the ashes Until you rejuvenated me with your being Until you showed me the end of me was where You started.

How is it up there? How is it there now that you have gone to your favourite place? Are the skies a bit more blue like you imagined? Are the clouds fluffy? Do they carry and float you to your dreams? Is the sun closer to you ? Does it melt away all the nightmares that haunted you? Are the winds a little faster ? Do they whisk you away and take you to adventures? Have your endless stream of tears designed by your broken dreams dried up? Is it peaceful ? Is it filled with happiness? Are all your demons cast and locked away? Atleast tell me if all that you did to escape your barren reality was worth it? Tell me how is it up there now that you have gone to a place i cant reach you anymore Please tell me you are now in a better place Tell me how is it up there?

FORGIVENESS Is there a manual out there in the depth of this earth? Is there some built in switch in our mind that lights it up on demand? Is there some sort of process that we have to walk through ? Is there some sort of plan we have to construct? Is there a shortcut to make our hearts lighter? Is there a path that makes our darkened soul a little bit brighter ? Please show me the answer that I so strongly desire Pleas tell me where i can find my coveted treasure Take me to this guiding light that's called FORGIVENESS

HOPE It's the most fragile yet the most important and beautiful thing there is, it's one of the things we hold onto with all our might but even our efforts to cease it is futile as it might slip from our hands like loose sand But what intrigies me the most is its boldness and bravery, it doesn't care where or who you are or what you are going through it stares definitely at you and the situation you are in, it doesn't dim its light so you will feel better about your darkness, it doesn't change its identity so that you will feel better about yours, hope is a brave and bold rebel that doesn't care who or what it's going up against, although it's fragile it doesn't break easily, it's bright and powerful and strong, it's an enigma, it's HOPE.

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