Child development - The personality of a child begins to take shape significantly from the age of three onwards. People overlook the critical ages between three and ten years old, but this is the stepping stones that lead to your child’s final destination as a person. Given it's critical to mould a child's character at this stage, it allows you to instill in them what is important and ground them in it (e.g., Tawheed). This period in a child's life is crucial for teaching him lessons that will build a robust personality and character. The child learns mostly through observation - it’s not what you say, rather it’s what you do! It's during this period you should impart essential life skills, manners, character building traits and knowledge such as Tawheed, Aqeeah, Quran etc. As the age of the child progresses the deeper and more detailed should the teaching and moulding be.
It's necessary to treat the child with kindness, compassion, and gentleness. Criticism, humiliation, physical punishment, being extremely strict or harsh, blaming, pointing continuous defects and so on can have detrimental lifelong consequences on the child, much of which is seen later on in life. One particular saying is to be kept in mind for this:
“Being harsh towards a child is like using a thorny whip to shape a delicate clay sculpture. Instead of molding them with care and gentleness, the harshness leaves lasting marks and imperfections that alter the beauty of their essence.”
Avoiding any form of shouting, the most damaging thing to a child's personality, is paramount. Encouraging and acknowledging the child's opinions and emotions helps shape their personality, so they won't be easily influenced by others. It also helps them develop leadership qualities, which is required by our religion. Aid your child to develop a strong personality, Islam doesn’t farm sheep, it flourishes giants that carry the world on the tip of their finger! We are to encourage children and instil in them leadership qualities, not to push their opinions or them away. Converse with them and guide their thought process the right way by helping them navigate it. This will result in them not being fragile in the future swaying with the wind.
Positivity and encouragement play pivotal roles in the child's development. Parents often unconsciously give more attention to wrong actions than good, inadvertently causing the child to seek negative attention. However, we should practise positive reinforcement and help children strive for positive achievements. Consistent encouragement and acknowledgement will foster an ambitious attitude in them.
Mu'awwiyah - may Allah be pleased with him - was 6-7 years old when he was playing with his peers. A passerby commented that this boy would grow to be a leader of his tribe. What made him say that? Even though Mu’awwiyah was a young boy playing, he was taking a leadership role even amongst his peers whilst playing. However, his mother, Hind Bint Utbah, had bigger ambitions for him. She said, “Breathe him. May I lose him if he’s only going to be the leader of his tribe!” She isn’t satisfied. She wants him more than that. That’s the difference between an ambitious and God-fearing mother over an ordinary woman.
She rocks the cradle with her left hand and shakes the world with her right hand! Mu’awwiyah became leader of the world.
— Shaykh Musa Jibril حفظه الله
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