jinx! i said the same thing

part 6 🍊

but somehow, i was still on edge. which was annoying. because objectively? this man had done absolutely nothing wrong. like i genuinely tried to find something. anything. a weird comment. an off vibe. a boundary crossed. a red flag. a beige flag. a slightly orange flag. nothing. so naturally my brain did what it does best. invent problems. because surely nobody can be this normal. maybe he's playing the long game. maybe he's secretly a criminal mastermind. maybe in three years i'll be sitting in a netflix documentary going: 'looking back, the grapefruit soda should've been a warning sign.' until then, though, Adeline had my location. at all times. i was basically a tracked amazon package. ‘out for delivery.’ ‘currently in transit.’ ‘has not been kidnapped.’ anyway. at some point after the bar, he looked at me and went: 'let's stop by a pharmacy and get you some vitamins. maybe it'll work as a placebo. i don't actually believe in this, but we can try.' ………. respectfully. what the fuck. because why would he say the exact thing that would work on ME. flowers? cute. chocolates? nice. vitamin c? OH SO YOU KNOW ME. i was standing in the supplement aisle like: wow. he noticed i was sick. wow. he remembered. wow. is this what victorian women felt when someone brought them soup. suddenly i'm leaving the pharmacy with a bag full of vitamins that emotionally felt like engagement rings. which is insane. they're literally compressed oranges. after that, he called me a bike home. and i spent the entire ride staring at my little pharmacy bag. because somehow this man had managed to make me feel loved through over-the-counter immune support. which is not a sentence i ever thought i'd write. and yet.

‘no one is coming to save you in this life. it’s just you.’ never falling for this propaganda nonsense 🤲🏼 bc wdym?? my fam is gonna be there for me no matter what

cloud goals

rise and shine with #fairytiktoks

y’all, i can’t believe im writing a part 5…. publishing houses hello?? 🎷

later that day we meet up again after our little book-shopping adventure. he goes: ‘i wanna take you to my favorite bar.’ woah. here’s the thing: the last time i drank alcohol was 3 years ago, and i wasn’t about to start again just to fit this man’s expectations. but while im processing his offer, he follows it up with: ‘i don’t actually drink, but if you want a cocktail or something, that’s cool.’ and i just stare at this man. bc hold on?? your favorite BAR? and you DON'T drink? man, i need a Powerpoint presentation. so naturally i ask him what exactly he does there. and this man, without missing a beat, goes: ‘well, they have live jazz. and really good grapefruit soda.’ pause. ‘that’s your order?’ ‘usually.’ im already losing it. then he adds: ‘oh. and nuts.’ grapefruit soda. and nuts. this man is literally operating on the same software as me. so obviously im like, okay. let’s go. we get there and honestly? peak experience. we’re just sitting there drinking soda, eating nuts, listening to jazz, and somehow having the time of our lives. however. there was a tiny issue. remember how i was sick? and permanently sleep-deprived? yeah. add being overstimulated as HELL on top of that. the place was packed (thank god we decided to sit in another room), there were conversations everywhere, glasses clinking, music playing, my brain was buffering every three seconds. at one point i tell him: ‘sorry, i keep losing my train of thought because of all the noise.’ girl. YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT THIS MAN DOES. he takes out his airpods, puts them in noise-cancellation mode, hands them to me, and just lets me exist in peace. and suddenly the world goes quiet. i can still hear the jazz softly in the background, but all the chaos disappears. i genuinely think that moment altered my brain chemistry. because there's something so disarming about somebody making space for you without making you feel like you're being difficult. meanwhile im sitting there looking at him like he's just performed open-heart surgery. anyway. once i regained access to my frontal lobe, we started playing those getting to know you quizzes. GIRL. inject. that. directly. into. my. bloodstream. the tension. the curiosity. the little moments where one question turns into five. the accidental flirting disguised as ‘research.’ the way you learn something new and immediately want to know ten more things. i was having the time of my life. then we started showing each other our playlists. he loved what i was listening to. which was honestly a relief. except for his opinions on Dua Lipa. those were incorrect. then he showed me his. and girl. the range. the RANGE. i kept scrolling and every few songs i’d go: ‘wait, you listen to this too?’ and he'd just nod. at some point i asked him how he managed to keep up with so many different genres. and he smiled and said: ‘it keeps me connected to reality.’ which sounds like the kind of sentence someone writes in a novel right before changing your life. then he told me he usually gravitates toward bittersweet music. and for a second, everything i’d learned about him that day started connecting. the jazz bar. the grapefruit soda. the nuts. the giant playlist. the noise-cancelling airpods. none of it was dramatic. none of it was flashy. just a hundred tiny little things that made me think: oh. you’re soft. not in a weak way. in a paying-attention kind of way. and maybe that's why i liked being around him so much. because talking to him felt a little like finding the cool side of the pillow after spending all night trying to get comfortable. unexpectedly nice. the kind of nice that makes you sit there thinking: ...oh no. i fear i may be having a really good time. but somehow..

this or nothing <3

you know what ive noticed? everything that i write down actually comes true. i don't like journaling about my life or anything like that. instead, i have this channel for it. everything that i want, i put into posts, and somehow my brain remembers that it's important to me. and over time, it does come true. travels, purchases, life experiences, even the weather?? like, right now it's so bright and sunny that my brain thinks that post could help make it come true, in a way. so what im trying to say is: create your blog. don’t overthink it. post for yourself. you’ll have a blast looking back at your old self and noticing how much you've grown.

it’s all about the balance

so SHWEEET

songs i listened to on repeat 🌍 *may edition

SUMMER STARTIN JUICYYY 🧃 more picnics. more books. more joy. i took a break in May, and now I’M STARVING IMMENSELY for our hypnotizing conversations <3 lessgoooo

• читаем и обсуждаем прочитанное на английском • 3 встречи via zoom • уровень от А2! у нас с девочками максимальный safe space <3 никто не шеймит за ошибки, i always help my girlies out ! • общий чатик в телеграме • отзывы: january, february, march, november, october, september, august, july, june, may, april, march

♡ для записи / узнать детали @elixzaabeth

HAS ANYONE WATCHED THIS??? IT’S NOT A MOVIE, IT’S A CARDIAC ARREST

im so tired of this windy weather. when will the sunshine come out

here’s your gentle reminder

me: i’ll go to bed earlier today also me at 1am:

part 4 📖

after that, he takes me to one of the best pastry shops i’ve ever been to. the bun? cloud-level soft. the coffee? rich. the conversation? suspiciously good. at some point i mention i wanna buy gifts for my friends and maybe grab a few books for myself. the SECOND i say books, this man goes: ‘actuallyyyy…’ turns out the bookstore i wanted to visit barely has books in english and before i can even process that information, he’s already inviting me to one of his favorite bookstores instead. so naturally, i go. the second we walk in, he picks up a book and goes: ‘this is my favorite, have you read it?’ GIRL. it’s The Goldfinch. ??????? and i actually HAVENT. so i stand there like ‘omg, it’s on my TBR list but i did read The Secret History.’ so now we’re standing there having a full on Donna Tartt summit 😭 final agreement: i read The Goldfinch. he reads The Secret History. diplomacy wins. then i start wandering around grabbing books, reading back covers, fully thriving. eventually the stack gets too heavy and he takes the books out of my hands. which… fair enough. they WERE heavy. i just didn’t realize that was the beginning of a full time role for him. the shopping bags stay with him. the receipts are on him. doors start opening like they’re on motion sensors. at one point i laugh and go, ‘you know i can carry my own stuff, right?’ he nods. processes the information. files it somewhere?? and then continues acting like i legally cannot experience the burden of holding a single bag. BUT THEN. THEN. as if he hasn’t already been acting like a male lead specifically engineered to destroy my standards forever, he picks up Madonna in a Fur Coat (the one i chose for myself) and goes: ‘we should read this together, the beginning sounds intriguing.’ and i’m standing there like??? what?? is this man willing to dedicate his time to the books i pick? a WONDER. so i go: ‘i haven’t even read it yet. what if it’s boring? what if we both suffer through 300 pages for nothing?’ this man looks completely unbothered. ‘i’m not really betting on the book. you strike me as someone who always has an interesting take.’ and unfortunately for me that lands approximately 14 times harder than a normal compliment