Basic Fucking Kindness

family, found family "your blood relations are just your suggested pre-generated party members, but it's perfectly ok to ditch as many of them as you like and craft an entire party of lizardfolk pyromancers instead or whatever suits you "

trauma, unlearning "If you experienced trauma in childhood or had a rough childhood, dude listen to me. Offer yourself play. You were deprived of it. Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it. I don't want to derail this post because it's an important message, and OP has addressed it to the people who most need to hear it. But... can i just add, for people who don't feel like they can give themselves permission to do this, that you can give yourself these things even if you didn't overtly experience trauma in childhood? Even if you never thought of your upbringing as painful or malicious, you can and should still give yourself things you missed out on. Take that class! Learn that skill! Eat the foods you like, or branch out into new ones! Jump in piles of leaves and decorate your walls the way you want them. Give yourself the things you couldnt have as a kid, especially if you didn't really get to have a childhood, but even if you didn't have the childhood you wanted. Go for a bike ride with friends. Go stargazing. Whatever it was that you feel like you missed, it's important to seek those things and remember that play and joy aren't exclusive to childhood. "

boundaries " "no" might make them angry. but it will make you free. if no one has ever told you, your freedom is more important than their anger"

abuse, growth "its not ok for them to talk you that way, i dont care how many times they tell you they love you"

trauma, anxiety "over-explaining can be a trauma response to being gaslit in childhood. when i figured that out, i worked to stop doing so. if i already told the truth and was clear, there is nothing else to say and over-explaining leads to distortion. off of that nonsense. "

abuse, gaslight, guilt "Just in case anyone needed a reminder. Abusers (and enablers!) will often try to use your reaction to their abuse as a justification for the way they treat you. This is gaslighting. It's also complete bullshit. It's normal and healthy to be angry, indignant, or sad when people treat you badly. Abusers just want a way to shift the blame to you for their actions. "

language, words, abuse "GASLIGHTING A favorite tactic of manipulators, used to obstruct and distort their victim’s understanding of reality. Intentionally setting up misdeeds, and then questioning the victim's sanity for reacting to those misdeeds. Rewriting history, or blatantly denying that the event ever took place. First, provoking negative emotions, then dismissing the victim's legitimate concerns with labels like "crazy", "insane", "bipolar", "hysterical", and "sensitive". Gaslighters are patronizing, unapologetic, and above all, they are cowardly. Because they are unable to manipulate healthy individuals, they must first manufacture insanity and chaos. This gives them the power & control that they seek over loving, compassionate human beings. Learn the signs. Find your freedom. "

abuse, gaslight "10 Signs You're A Victim of Gaslighting 1. You're frequently second-guessing yourself. 2. You wonder if you're too sensitive. 3. You don't trust your own judgment and decisions. 4. You find yourself constantly apologizing. 5. You can't figure out why you're so unhappy. 6. You always make excuses for your partner's behavior. 7. You feel like you can't do anything right. 8. You think you just aren't good enough. 9. You feel you were once a happier, more confident person. 10. You hold things back from friends and family. "

charts, neurodivergency "what people think being highly sensitive means being irrationally over emotional what being highly sensitive actually means being extremely observant being empathetic having a highly tuned nervous system caring about everyone and everything having strong emotional reactions all of the feels all of the time"

unscheduled post channel activity will be resuming again (even numbered days), for admin lore and info on why the channel gets paused like this (completely optional) check this post's comments

abuse, boundaries, socialization, relationships "the sunk cost fallacy a behavior where we continue to do something harmful based on how many resources we've already invested. *like engaging in toxic/abusive relationships based on how many years you've already it in"

language, growth, depression "honestly the best thing i've done in the past year was replacing "i wanna die" with "i wanna commit a crime." same humor and sentiment without the suicidal ideation graduating from emo to punk"

(late) transcription: How to Spot a Toxic Friend There a lot of advice out there about how to spot a toxic romantic relationship, and that's awesome; a bad relationship can be extremely dangerous. But there's not a lot of information about how to spot a toxic friendship. Over the course of your lifetime, you're going to have a lot more friendships than romantic relationships, and it can be even harder to know when to break off a friendship than a love affair. So if you've been uncertain about your friendships, make sure you watch out for someone who: - belittles you or constantly points out your flaws - dismisses their hurtful behaviour as "joking" when they are called out - accuses you of being "too sensitive" or "no fun" when they are called out - refuses to apologize for anything - talks behind your back - takes your things without asking, even after you've told them not to - demands more of your time than you want to give them - makes you feel crushingly guilty for doing anything that does not involve them - refuses to respect your personal space, acts "touchy-feely" even when you aren't comfortable with it - controls who you can date or be friends with - makes fun of your hobbies and ambitions

[transcription&tags later today]

[transcription] [1/3] "i remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to mantain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release packaged neatly within a tear. everything made sense after learning that. that sudden stability of your emotions after crying. how crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. and it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally cant hold on to all of it. so what i've learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely pollible and that is living to the fullest extent. so keep feeling and cry often as much as needed"

crying, emotions [to be filled]

growth "changing every "i should have known better" to "i know better now". i will not judge past versions of me through the lens of who i am now"

relationships, socialization, trauma, patterns " -you've been quiet. +we've both had a terrible day and i dont want to fight -why would we fight? i dont want to fight either. +hold on... +if i dont want to fight and you dont want to fight, whos going to start the fight? -people dont have to fight. we can just be sad. -people can just have bad days in peace. +oh! -...wait, how is this a new concept for you? "

your "non-confrontational" choices not to communicate hurt the people you dont contront btw. you're not a martyr for keeping everything inside and then running away when other people dont know whats going on with you. you just decided avoiding rejection and sparing your own feelings was easier than being honest and giving them the agency to respond and make their own decisions. you choose to hurt them so they didnt hurt you. you think your feelings are realer and more important than their own care and love for you. you were always just waiting for a sign to run. "if they cared about me they would have-" did you tell them that? did you let them know how you feel? how much importance you place on those requirements they dont know they have to meet? this secret criteria and secret signs for your secret feelings? or are you making them play a game they dont know even exists? your choice not to communicate isnt cute. you didnt run because they didnt feel the same for you. you ran so you wouldnt have to risk rejection. you chose to prioritise your own self-protection over their trust in and love for you. at least own that."

socialization, boundaries, communication, relationships [transcription in separate message]