Pleasure diary

Hello dear playbackers, dancers, musicians, actors 🫶 The next Playback Theater Jam March 28 at 13:00-16:00 🙃 Address: Theaterhaus Berlin Mitte Neue Jakobstraße 9, 10179 Berlin, Germany Donation: 5€-10€ (to cover rent) Language: English, but we will adapt to the group 🙏🏻 Meetings are open to everyone who wants to practice, perform, share stories and connect with the Playback community. It is not a workshop for beginners, it is a jam, where everyone contributes. Experience in playback is appreciated, but not required). It is space for co-creation, where you can offer exercises for movement, voice, acting and topics you want to work on. We will learn, get inspired from each other and experiment together🔥 Playback Theatre is form of improvisational theatre in which audience members tell stories from their lives and actors immediately “play back” those stories on stage through movement, voice, and scenes. Write me @Natalia_Kuzmina if you want to know more information and/or to be added to the playback theatre jam chat If you can’t join us on 28.03, come next time :) the updates are coming soon. Looking forward to seeing you all! 🤗🫶🏻🌸☀️

I started identifying as a non-binary pansexual person (currently in a lesbian phase 💞) a few years ago, and it came with the realization that queer culture holds so much knowledge I’ve been missing. I’m watching this really cool podcast about things I didn’t know: https://youtu.be/bjzdKN9F3Iw?is=V0Z5Nknc-yyl6Ygo Do you have any podcasts/videos/books to recommend? Please share links!

It was such a relief for me to find Contact Improvisation dance! For a long time, I thought that I was terrible at dancing. I was avoiding dance floors at all costs. Especially when my first boyfriend in my teens was good at dancing — I just wanted to disappear. Later, I tried to “work” on it, but I hated choreography — my brain couldn’t remember the steps and moves, and instead of enjoying it, I felt like I was fighting for my life trying to count them. In partnered dance, I would panic and feel envious of girls who could relax and follow. In contemporary dance, I was hyper-aware that everyone was watching me, so I was terrified of making a mistake. And when I had already given up, I found myself in a contact improv workshop — and it was surprisingly nice. It turned out, I could dance 😱 I’ve been practicing CI for 5 years now, and I really appreciate the special qualities this practice brings to my life: physical awareness of my body, being present and sensitive, enjoying movement, and the ability to go with the flow. I also love exploring different kinds of touch and sharing body weight. I just watched a short, cool documentary about contact improvisation — maybe you’d be interested as well? 😍 (3 parts) https://youtu.be/k768K_OTePM?is=okMo9oPawxr20qee Contact improvisation was developed by dancers Steve Paxton, Nancy Stark Smith, Lisa Nelson and others — and now it has spread worldwide. Are you dancing CI as well? Maybe you’ve seen or tried it once? What’s your experience with dance?

Hi everyone! I invite you to IKSK Spring Cabaret & play party on March 22nd, start at 19:00 🫶🏻 I will be performing there as well as other wonderful humans! https://www.iksk-berlin.de/playparty/juliette-springtime Natasha (they/she) aka Oily Divine : Liquid Self-Love ritual It is a story of connection with their own naked body, movement, and pleasure — very sensual and intimate. See you 🤗

If you’re also tired of boring mainstream porn, check out this super fun genderqueer animated series 🤩 I stumbled upon it by accident, and I’m definitely a fan of Gummy and the Doctor 🔥🙃 The idea alone that the Doctor modified their own body so it is possible to swap out different genitals is already reason enough to watch 👏🏻 (Doctor has a huge collection of interchangeable genitals in every shape and size) https://www.gummyandthedoctor.com The first episode: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph62061ab8c1e74 Enjoy!

Hello dears! We are organizing a cozy massage retreat with a friend Nele at her parent’s house. It’s going to be a small group — 8 people — and we have 3 free spots for now. It’s FLINTA event ☀️ Would you like to join? Massage Exchange Weekend – playful exploration & deep nourishment April 17-19 | Pasewalk (approx. 1.5 h from Berlin) It is a shared space for exploring, experimenting, giving and receiving, and offering feedback. A balance between technique and flow, depth and ease, structure and intuition. General information Arrival Friday afternoon, departure Sunday evening Location: Pasewalk, around 1.5 hours from Berlin by car or train. Pick-up from the train station is possible. Contribution: 220-280 € (self-assessed). Accommodation and meals are included. Sleeping in shared rooms. The place Two indoor spaces with fireplaces Garden with the option for a campfire Mini sauna Bathroom with a bathtub and a separate toilet Kitchen (Nele will be cooking and we appreciate help with chopping and washing dishes) Massage setup includes massage tables and futons Massage exchange The focus of the weekend is massage exchange. Techniques may include Lomi, Rebozo, and other modalities brought in by the group. When registering, please let us know which massage techniques you can offer. What matters to us is a genuine willingness to exchange: receiving different techniques giving and receiving feedback researching and learning together openness toward different styles and approaches Structure and flow of the weekend Friday – arrival and landing Check-in and getting to know each other Open evening for arriving, resting, chatting, meditating, or offering and receiving first massages if desired Saturday – technique and exploration More active and technical focus Guided massage rounds with clear beginnings and endings Detailed work, experimentation, and feedback Sharing circles Time for rest and retreat Sunday – flow and integration More fluid and intuitive work Full-body massages given and received Moving deeper into sensing, experiencing, and integrating Additional elements Guided morning movement Sharing and feedback circles Time for rest, pauses, and community Intention We will hold a playful and relaxed research space. There will be guidance from Natasha and/or Nele, and at the same time self-responsibility, initiative, and co-creation are welcome and needed. This weekend is intended as a communal experience to recharge, while actively researching, exploring, and learning together through touch. You can get in contact with @Natalia_Kuzmina for registration 🩷☀️

Hello dears 👋🏻 would you like to join me for a FLINTA playfight organized by friends in Berlin? I’m going to the next two: March, 11 at 19:00-21:00 Ebersstraße 68, 10827 Berlin March, 23 at 19:00-21:00 Location in Schöneberg There’s one more location (Ost) near S Storkowerstraße if you are interested :) Please PM me for the details! I can add you to the FLINTA Playfight chat as well 👌🏻🫶🏻 P.S. FLINTA — Frauen (women), Lesben (lesbians), Inter*, Non-binary, Trans*, and Agender persons

Hey look! I came up with a creative suspension today (sketchy but fun!) 🪢 Almost self-suspended, with the help of a friend :) It seems like movement + bondage is becoming my research topic👌🏻

24.02.2022 — 24.02.2026 It’s been four years since the full-scale invasion of Ukraine by Russia — a terrible war. I crafted the book “What does war feel like?” as a way to process my feelings — as a Ukrainian, as a refugee, as a human. —————— The war is a very embodied experience. My body learned to tense up, ready to hide, when I hear loud sounds. I feel it also when the trash truck collects the garbage — it sounds like parts of a building falling after a drone attack. I learned that fear manifests itself in dreams. My brain prepares me for the worst scenarios while I am asleep. I learned that the fastest way to end a nightmare is to force myself to die — then wake up. I learned that shame and guilt can stay for a long time after moving to a safer country. Sometimes it sounds like a voice in my head saying that I shouldn’t have left my loved ones in danger, I should have been more helpful, stayed in my city, done what I could. I learned to give that voice space — as well as to give space to the voice that is kind and caring toward myself. I learned that my good friends — the kindest people in the world — can start calling for murder. First aggressively, later casually. I learned how war changes people. I learned how language becomes a weapon — in so many different ways. I learned to be afraid of speaking my mother tongue because it can be considered a betrayal in my country. I learned to speak the language of loving touch. I learned to keep the connection with my parents — even though we have opposite political views. I know how it feels when it is not possible to see mother and father for years because of the war. I learned to cry. I learned to ask for help. I learned that there is always someone who is willing to help: people, communities, countries. I learned that some countries support refugees more than other countries. Some people stand by refugees, and some people hate them — and it differs depending on which country the refugees are from. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I moved alone to a new country, I learned to speak new languages, deal with documents, get medical care, look for apartments, find friends and communities. I feel alive. I love and feel loved. I learned how essential the role of pleasure and joy is. Even during war. Especially during war. I learned way too many things. Some of them I wish I could unlearn. ——————

Are you into experimental shibari? I got inspired at one of the EURIX fest to be an “active model” in ropes — explore my own movement in the suspension. It’s really fun! I was used to passive-submissive state of mind when I get tied, and this was something new. At the workshop we made two suspension lines: from the left elbow and right futomomo. And this made it possible to move, turn, dance in the air. It’s pretty easy if you know the basics, try it out 🙃 It was a pleasure to remind myself of that at the home bondage jam, thanks for organizing 🩷🩷 Photo: Karlo Walz

Never did I understand this statement when people say, “I wish I didn’t have to sleep — it’s such a waste of time.” OMG how much I love sleep! It is my favorite lifelong hobby, I could write songs and sonnets about sleep, make sleep a religion. If you know me well enough, you’ve probably heard how high I put sleep on the list of my life priorities. I make it comfy. Blackout curtains. No alarms unless necessary. Traveling with my ergonomic pillow. Using personally customized earplugs. Once I almost bought a waterbed for myself — but thank god I tried it first and changed my mind 😄 I love my dreams. I live in parallel universes there, have parallel lives, and randomly come back to different ones, continuing the story I dropped when I woke up. I am practicing lucid dreaming: it’s when I understand that I am in a dream, and then I switch into god mode and can change everything around me, gain any superpowers I want. There are many tips and tricks for this practice. What works best for me is sleeping as long as possible — after 9–10 hours of sleep, the brain can more easily do the magic. When I notice something strange, I pinch my arm — pain feels different in a dream and in the “real” world. And then I try to do something fun. The last time my dream was lucid, I “programmed” the context where I was the Queen of the Universe, and all human beings were simultaneously watching me on screens all over the world. I was masturbating, everyone was worshipping the Queen, and celebrating pleasure. It was a ritual full of respect and looked especially nice on the buildings of New York’s Times Square. My lucid dreams are not often erotic. Most of the time, I like being a water creature, breathing underwater, enjoying the flexibility of my body with less gravity and more resistance. I like a similar three-dimensional movement in the air too — flying and flipping through clouds, super light, fearlessly jumping from building to building, or rushing through trees and castles. Sometimes I’m film director and camera person mixed together — creating a scenario and watching it through the eyes of different characters or animals, or from cameras outside… Every time I hear that “sleep is such a waste of time,” I think of the capitalist system that tells us we must always be productive and well-functioning. Of course, it’s very unfortunate when “machines” must spend nearly a third of their lives outside the productive cycle — generating no measurable profit. There’s a wonderful book “Rest is resistance” Tricia Hersey on this topic. I want to remind you: You don’t have to pay for sleep! You don’t need a company! You feel better afterward! I remember that in the autobiography of Marina Abramović, she wrote about spending some time in a tribe where women told each other their dreams every morning. It was an everyday ritual. This inspired me to respect sleep more. I’m curious to know: what is your relationship with sleep? Have you ever experienced lucid dreaming? What helps you fall asleep when you can’t? Do you want to complain about kids and early-morning jobs, so you never get enough sleep? Are you sad that you never remember your dreams? Any sharing is welcome :)

Hello dear friends! I’m starting a regular playback theater jams in Berlin 🔥 Do you have some experience with theatre, movement, voice? Do you want to co-create and practice playback forms? Feel free to join ^^ We want to meet and play every 1-2 months, the first one is on February, 21! (It’s event for the community, donation: 5€-10€ to cover the rent) I will send you the details and the link to our chat if you’re interested 🫶 Write me: @Natalia_Kuzmina Playback Theatre is form of improvisational theatre in which audience members tell stories from their lives and actors immediately “play back” those stories on stage through movement, voice, and scenes. See you 🤗

My channel is 5 years old today! 😍🎂 It’s been quite a journey — from the first steps in conscious exploration of kink to my queer, weird, authentic self today🙃 This is me in one of the very first videos on this channel 5 years ago — and me clowning on New Year’s Eve this year. Love it ^^

Hi massage lovers! My dear Lomi Lomi teacher Anja Goralski with the team is giving beginner friendly Lomi Lomi workshop on January 11 (Jan 10 is already fully booked). It’s so special! Whether you practice massage techniques or not, you will get inspired 💖 I did Lomi Ausbildung in this school and can highly recommend. This one-day workshop is a perfect opportunity to try Lomi Lomi 🫶🏻 12–6 p.m. UHU Berlin 70 € German/English Registration: https://www.lomi-ausbildung-berlin.de/en/lomi-erlebnistag/

I had a dream of performing “Liquid Self-Love” on stage. This is happening — and very soon 😍 On 31.12 at 20:00, a neo-burlesque striptease & cabaret evening will take place at IKSK in Berlin, and I’ll be part of it! My piece is a story of connection with my own naked body, movement, and pleasure — very sensual and intimate. And there will be more performances that night, directed by my friend — amazing Juliette Dragon. https://www.iksk-berlin.de/juliette-dragon-intensive I invite you to come and stay for the New Year’s Eve play party afterward. (IKSK has the best view of the fireworks 😉)

I know that my pictures from the workshop don’t look that impressive 😂 but omg, look at what people can do with needles. Recently, I discovered an extremely creative artist, Mel Sprinkle, who works with play piercing. You can get inspired by their work as well: https://www.instagram.com/iliketopokeholes2.0 Personally, I’m more interested in the sensations and the emotional connection with the people I play with. But the aesthetic part of kink is also mind-blowing sometimes 😍

Finally! I attended the play-piercing workshop (needle play) with Lex and Gella in Kyiv 👏🏻 It took us a few years to finally find the day and time to do it, and I am so happyyyy. It is a special BDSM practice where a person can get high on endorphins while experiencing pain from needles piercing the skin. I wanted to learn it from someone with a medical background and experienced in BDSM — so I’m very thankful to Lex and Gella for sharing their knowledge! Now I feel confident practicing this 👏🏻 We also combined needles with wax play. The trick is to put the wax carefully in the middle of the needles and never on the ends, and to remove the wax before moving the needles — so there’s almost no chance of getting dirt under the skin. I also learned many nuances about how to place the needles more safely, so the muscles are not damaged (only the skin), how to take care of myself (there is contact with blood, right?), and generally how to do the practice without bad consequences. And a disclaimer: this practice is dangerous, so please don’t try it without proper training 🙏🏻

Have you seen this tool to describe your relationships? Love it 🔥 https://smorgasbord.plusx.black/

Finally! On my way to Kyiv (24 hours in total), I have time and space for my yearly ritual: filling out a booklet that helps me close the year and dream about the next one. Would you like to do some writing too? You can download the booklet in your language for free and print it: https://yearcompass.com I’ve been doing this for 8 years now, and I can clearly see the magic when I look back. Can you imagine? In 2019, I wrote that I wanted to learn Lomi Lomi and Thai massage 😱 I completely forgot about it for years — and now, in 2025, I’m actually working with these techniques. I also find it funny to read how I was searching for a future husband to start a “nuclear family,” completely unaware of my future poly-queer turn in life 🦄 It’s a good reminder that some things that feel extremely important can — and will — change, or stop being important at all. We know very well that life unfolds in ways we couldn’t imagine. But it’s still nice to remember things from the past and dream about the future ^^ Do you have any rituals you do at the end of the year? Please share 🙃