Its been one year since I stopped worrying about reading Laxmikant and spectrum. Its been one year since my life took a massive professional turn. Its been one year since I cleared UPSC exam and unofficially became IAS.
My life after that completely took a turn, for good and bad (but mostly for good). Since then I started getting treated as someone special, people wanted to be associated with me, then wanted to hear, some wanted me to talk to their 10 year old kid and guide them for UPSC ( Lol, their faces, when I said that think about UPSC at the end of your graduation). Businessman wanted to meet for unknown reasons. So many political representatives, so many asking if I was looking for marriage.
Someone who stayed away from public glare, who preferred to stay silent than to speak, this are unimaginable level of changes in life. First result came with pleasent Surprise, then came attention, leading to lack of personal life, leading to irritation. Later it led to bussy ness of life.
This one thing I have never said publically and very few people know about it, I started doubting my decision to put IAS over IFS on the first day itself. More the attention, more people telling me about the perks of this job -- power, authority, rutba, ijjat, gaadi bangla, naukar chakar etc, the more I wished "why didn't I chose IFS". When I entered in Academy in December, it was eating me from inside, I thought everyone else except me knew what they were doing in life. Everyone in Academy felt happy and as if they belonged here. People roamed, made friends, smiled, socialised. I felt like a outlier, when Foundation course was ending in march, I was on the brink of frustration with my academy life. And that didn't reduce till I was in the academy except in Bharat Darshan and in some other weeks.
Throughout this one year, most of the time I cursed myself about choosing IAS, about choosing bureaucracy. Somehow I felt uncomfortable in academy, untill last month.
Last month when I joined my district training as assistant Collector, and I saw the offices, and the trust general public has over the DM and SDM, I was awestruck. When I saw my first jansunvai, the kind of problem people came up with - someone facing domestic violence, someone asking about his pension, divyangs applying for motorised tricycle, homeless people applying for Awas and many more. The more I saw the more I understood the role of an IAS, I understood I could solve their problems because State has given authority to do so. I felt at that instance, that I belong here. This is what I want to do, changing peoples life for good, helping them get their dues, extending the hand of state when they feel helpless. Its sheer luck to get such a hardworking and wise mentor as my DM of shivpuri. With DM sir's handholding, I am learning to do true justice to my role and responsibilities.
At last, I got my purpose, a true will to live, by will to serve. Never shall I doubt my decision again, I am exactly where I should be. Everyday, when I leave for work, I look forward for the lifes I am going to touch. In about a month since I reached here in Shivpuri Madhya Pradesh, never for a moment I have felt that I am working, it feels as If I am truly living. Now I don't see phone to check what time it is, now I don't see what day it is. Working for public, making their life better, feels as easy and as necessary as breathing now.
In last one year, I have reached where I really wanted.
Regards
Arvind Shah
IAS 2021