Existential Comics

For Aristotle, virtue was often a sort of disposition between to unhealthy extremes, sometimes referred to as a "golden mean". Zeno is best knows for his paradoxes, which often involved the difficulty in conceptualizing infinite regresses. If we applied the type of logic Zeno uses to Aristotle's concept in a rather stupid way, it would cancel itself out.

True virtue is to only bother Aristotle with asinine objections to his theories about half the time.

Heraclitus thought everything was in an endless state of change, so we could never 'step into the same river twice'. Descartes tried to methodically doubt everything, much like children do when they ask an endless stream of 'whys'. Hume doubted that inductive reasoning was strictly rational, so even if someone had past behavior such as cheating, there was no 'rational' reason to use that to predict future events. Nietzsche was a loser. Hegel was long winded. Nozick's entire philosophical project was justifying extremely wealth disparity as having arose from 'free' decisions.

Nozick: "so as you can see, the minimum wage is oppressive because it prevents people from making free decisions, like freely choosing between working for starvation wages or literally starving."

Also there is no point to anything and then you die. But you are super free in the meantime, so...

Philosophy is pointless because my philosophical opinions are correct.

According to Kant's moral philosophy, actions such as lying were not permissible because they could not be coherently "universalized". So if everyone lied all the time, it would undermine the very concept of lying, because no one would believe anything anyone said, making lying pointless. In addition, Kant believe that for an action to be moral, it had to be done out of a sense of duty. If you save someone from a burning building because you want a reward, or because you will be punished if you don't do it, you aren't doing anything moral - you must do it out of your moral duty to save them.

Remember kids, nothing is cooler than following your moral imperative.