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after hours

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i’m very emotionally intelligent when the emotions belong to someone else.

“when are you gonna fall in love?” dude, i can’t even fall asleep.

i went for her personality, but it turned out to be worse than her looks.

sorry if i bullied you, i was trying to flirt.

i’m older and taller than her, but ofc she’s the boss.

“mommy issues or daddy issues?” bruh, i think i’m the issue.

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the older i get, the more i understand why cats walk away from conversations.

some people have a five-year plan, while i’m still deciding what i’m gonna eat for my next meal.

me opening my phone just to ignore the same messages again.

she looks like a cigarettes after sex song.

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sorry if i ever flirted with you and you thought i liked you. sometimes i just get bored.

i’m not emotionally unavailable, i’m just hungry.

the art of hiding your feelings.

i keep saying “it’s not that deep” about things that are, in fact, extremely deep to me.

me and who?
me and who?

you guys really stalk your exes? i act like i don’t have any.

cool girls don’t have boyfriends, they have girlfriends.