Sage (t1/2)

If you have any questions just send them on the bot its anonymous

So i use it as a starter point In reality i have no idea where it started

This is not new I had it since 9 years old And im not even sure about that it could even be earlier, but that was was my first suicide attempt At nine years old

To feel that people realize how serious this is to me

Its fucking embarrassing just to share this but if thats what it takes to feel understood

It starts around 1:48 and continues throughout the song Getting more extreme and more intense

Some people ask me why i take three medications every day and i should leave my meds and that i “dont seem that bad” I posted a while ago a song where i remembered what my bad episodes sound like without my medication The background noise specifically

Do you want me to send you a paper that explains my illness in detail? Will you even read it? I dont want to do it in fear some of you who think they might have an illness may read it and make it feed into what they think they have

I dont know much i need to explain my illness to be understood I am not trying to rely on it to justify any negative behavior that comes out of me, i am very flawed i understand that and i am self aware of anything that is with me I am a grown adult and i act like one both here and in real life To simplify it as much as possible I can not control my emotions, so i distance myself Anyone who knows me knows i talk about my condition and explain any distancing that will occur from the start, and that i dont want any help, nor do i need any intervention Consider it educating the other person because apparently everyone views mental illness as a quirk more than a life debilitating condition I dont want to have to give this lecture every few months and this is gonna make it the third time I dont want a relationship, nor sex I dont want validation or reassurance I dont want help I can take care of my own shit and have been my whole life, i basically raised myself What i want is to be understood Im not a magic puzzle that needs solving

Or morning

I slept like shit last night

I feel gross

Ugh

I wanted to wear a blue shirt But like i work in karabala and its that month of the year And people will make sure to let you know you’re not dressed “appropriately”

Im wearing all black today

I hate demanding people

I know this song but unfortunately im not a big fan of Olivia Its a good song tho