nessnote

i've tried being gentle about it and i’ve tried being violent about it and i’ve tried being patient about it and i’ve tried being angry about it and i’ve tried writing about it and i’ve tried talking about it and i’ve tried being quiet about it but it never fucking goes away.

htt bc subah subah dikh gaye vo

just when i thought of moving on he appeared in my dreams??????

aaj achanak मिस्टर सफेद aur जस्सी ki yaad aa gayi

i swear my consequences don’t even have actions

atp i just get scared whenever i start to like someone instead of being excited.

i’ve decided that i’m done obsessing over this guy. it’s not cute or romantic anymore. it’s just exhausting. today while coming back from college, it finally hit me how badly this whole thing affects me. he prolly doesn’t even know i exist, and i’m never going to make the first move, so nothing is ever going to happen. i know this, but i still kept hoping yk. and honestly, it’s becoming harmful for me. i’ve been through this cycle before (liking someone quietly, then getting obsessed, then crying over it) and i don’t want to repeat it again and again. i cried so much today because i realized i’m doing the same thing to myself. i like him alot, but from tomorrow onwards i’m not going out of my way just to catch a glimpse of him. no more looking for him in corridors, no more changing my route just to see him. i have better things to do, and honestly, i deserve better things to think about. i have so much work, so much to study, so many things to invest my time into. i’d rather give that time to myself than waste it on someone who doesn’t even know i’m there. and i'm going to cry alot more for him but now i will try my best not to.

usko dekhte hi nonchalant final boss ban jati hu

will be a zombie in college today (but at least will get to see him 😛💪)

didn't sleep. was thinking bout the consequences of making the first move and now no first move it is.

hating it rn

i remember so much detail about people that i have to act dumb sometimes so i don’t freak them out

when someone asks me why i look tired, i don’t get offended. i'm like, thankyou for noticing my anguish.