bullshitting to all

in 'the stranger', when i read it. Mr. Meursault used to have his coffee before cigarettes. i usually took both at the same time. sometimes i try to imagine what must he feel so different in segregating both things or was there any need for this specific order? maybe have cigarettes before coffee. idk how to make you all understand this, but this question keeps bugging me for a week.

i believe shampoo companies have started another propaganda, where the first wash doesn't do shit and feels harsh whereas, second wash feels so bubbly. it's a way to make us addicted and use it more, so it exhausts sooner and we buy more. fucking capitalism.

i have this weird habit where i imagine myself spending unhealthy amount of money and then convince myself to not to do it in real life. and if i succeed, i praise myself that i saved a lot.

"Think of how dumb the average person is. Now remember that half of the people are dumber than that."

watching kids play outside really made me reflect over how i was and how insufferable was my personality.

never underestimate listening to aukat se bahar romantic songs on the terrace at night and acting like you're in a relationship.

never underestimate listening to aukat se bahar romantic songs on the terrace at night and acting like you're in a relationship.

never underestimate listening to aukat se bahar romantic songs on the terrace at night and acting like you're in a relationship.

this part >>>

it literally starts depressing me the moment my space is not clean and tidy. i start scratching my eyeballs in anxiety.

i hate when people claim to have ocd and then proceed to just make my blood boil with how they live. no you're not suffering with it. i am, i know how irritating and annoying and depressive it is having ocd. my culture is not your costume, so just stop posing for attention.

when i had everybody pulling my legs, i wanted to be unstoppable, run fast now when there's nobody to stop me, i stay right there, as if my legs are planted in sand

i still hate the fact that i can't inject 500miles by peter, paul and mary into my straight veins, muscles, nerves, or whatever there is. i just wish to consume the song, like literally feast upon it

my growth becomes a cycle of self-cannibalism.

my mind has made a setup of several layers of myself. it's as if i don't even seem to recognize who i actually am. the moment i feel severe flow of sadness, my original or maybe initial self tries letting it out, tries to cry, but before my throat even makes a gulp, everything gets sucked back till my gut, the layers suddenly erase everything and i just stay there feeling empty, not realizing what just happened and it feel...nothing. when i feel a burst of happiness, similar things happen, i initially get excited and filled with joy and under a hundreths of second everything gets sucked back again. back to nothingness. it's not like this happens with every thing or thoughts, but only in just the ones where my initial self would feel some thing. every feeling my current self experience is still raw and vivid. there's no halting there, no barriers. the thing which doesn't makes any sense, is why does my current self does this? why do i suppress every feeling, every, which my past self would like to feel? why do i starve it so bad?

larper

i fkin love her dude 😭🙏