💎An Advice that Could Spare Much Heartache
I wanted to share something pretty personal, although I am a very private person.
One of the things that sent me avidly soulsearching for peace and guidance in my late teens (which resulted in my embracing Islam) was that I was raised in a very poor and violent neighborhood. It was the type of place, without exaggeration, where people quite literally lost their lives for looking sharply at or speaking cross to others. I vividly remember occasions of people armed and hunting others down over vendettas and disputes about money, women, reputation and perceived disrespect. I had been practically on my own since the age of 15. I learned to adapt and survive. It taught me a thing or two about toughness and resiliency. My mind and body still carries the after effects of that window of time, especially as I age.
One of the most important survival instincts one can hone in life is not caving to peer-pressure or being draped into people’s personal beef and dramas. Another correlated behavior is playing dumb and acting oblivious to people trying to antagonize and provoke you. When people run around with your name in their mouth, let them savor the flavor. Stay on your toes, deescalate conflict or defend yourself if forced to, but otherwise act as though you don’t know. Also, second guess people and your own perceptions.
I came to Islam for peace of mind and guidance. To learn how I ought to be and break generational cycles of dysfunction for my children so they could have better and do better. I saw that the streets were full of immature fickle people stuck in the high-school/gangs/prison mentality. No thank you. Not interested at all.
The first thing that piqued my interest in Islam was a book about patience and forbearance. Every page dripped with wisdom. I was terrified of going to jail or hell at the time. The choice was easy. Islam is beautiful. Islam is wisdom.
Early into my Islam, I met a Salafi teacher who lived in the gang-ridden neighborhood of my former high-school. He was wise and kind beyond his years. He made me love knowledge and the scholars. He was very dignified and adept at picking up on character nuances and generously gave me valuable counsel until his passing (رحمه الله). He had a serious skill in diffusing conflicts, especially between Muslims. This he learned and implemented from the wise counsel of our scholars. I miss him and many of our elder Salafi scholars who loved and advised us over the years with kindness.
Allah saved me with Islam. I have tried to play some small part in paying that forward. With some of my background, I have been favored to serve in a number of communities in some rough places in America without any degree of culture shock. It hasn’t always been easy, but from my single days of living and teaching in the Masjid to watching my children grow into adulthood and being blessed to be a grandparent, I have enjoyed my life. May Allah make the next generations better than us.
Many have very similar stories. We came to Islam to escape drama and immaturity. The culture of America from its streets to its corporate boardrooms breeds an unhealthy narcissism and sociopathy. Keep your head down, chin tucked, focus on what’s most important and let people miss you with all the nonsense. Keep your eyes on the prize, and beg Allah for His help and mercy.
Silly disputes over community administration, personal beefs, and trivial spats over fiqh issues are distractions. We ain’t gotta all like each other, but as Salafis we have to love each other. We don’t have to all be chummy friends, but don’t let Shaytan convince you that your Salafi brothers are your enemies. Grin and bear, and perhaps one day we’ll be on raised couches facing each other in paradise, without any feeling of injury towards each other. Meanwhile, we’re in the world of trial and will be a test for each other. Let’s not fail our tests. We are a pioneering generation. The wilderness is vast and opportunities abound. No need to step on anyone else’s toes.