Cerebral Symphony

Stoicism (and even aggression) is the new black by this point. There is no longer platonic intimacy.

As someone who is chronically online, there's also another cultural phenomenon that I think reinforces this between men. Look at the discourse behind any show where there is a focus on two platonic male friends. I guarantee that there will always be a section of the fandom that is determined to "ship" them or see their relationship as romantic rather than platonic even though the show itself depicts nothing but platonic interactions and chemistry between them. The show Suits is a great example of this. Anyone who's been on Suits-Tok has seen edits where they fantasize about a romantic r/ship between Harvey and Mike. The same thing happened with the show Stranger Things, Will and Mike (although, to be fair, one of them was canonically gay in that situation, lol). Now I'm not saying there is no show that has a homo erotic subtext hidden behind a platonic male friendship, but I think turning every depiction of platonic friendship between men into this hidden romantic attraction pushes men further and further away from actually having intimate friendships that they do need.

Refuse to let a romantic partner be the sole shock absorber for your existence. Or don't wait to get into a relationship in order to open up and be vulnerable. Build a circle of, say, three or four people – male friends (it could be female ones too), siblings, mentors, therapists, etc. – who know you in all your vulnerable glory, so that no single human being carries the entire weight of your mental health.

This is a big reason why I get very uncomfortable with people who suggest that your romantic partner should also be your best friend. There is a true element to this where yes, you do want your romantic person to be someone you trust, confide in and like (not love, like) as much as you would a best friend, but I think that should just be considered metaphorically. Because actually making your romantic partner your best friend, or at least your only best friend, I feel like, is especially disastrous for men for all the reasons mentioned in this article.

There’s only one place he can go to in order to find emotional intimacy, physical affection, and true vulnerability: sex.

Something I want to add here is another manifestation of this funneling of emotions into sex or sexual desire which is when a man sees a woman do something he admires and immediately sexualizes her. I don't mean that men shouldn't be sexually attracted to women who share their interests or excel at things they admire. The distinction I'm interested in is between being attracted to someone who happens to share your interests and having your otherwise ordinary admiration for a woman's ability immediately take a sexual form. For example, if I see a man performing a hobby I care about particularly well, my reaction is usually just admiration. I think, that's impressive or he's really good at this. When I see a woman doing the same thing, however, I sometimes notice myself expressing that same admiration in sexual terms. I've noticed this particularly with women doing things associated with male-dominated fields or hobbies. The skill itself is what initially catches my attention, but my reaction to it seems to acquire a sexual dimension simply because the person demonstrating it is a woman. I should qualify the comparison, because I'm not straight, so the fact that I don't experience the same sexual response toward the men in these examples obviously isn't a clean control. Some of the difference may simply be explained by who I'm attracted to. Still, the pattern is interesting to me because the initial reaction appears to be the same in both cases: admiration for someone being good at something I value. What I'm questioning is why, in the case of women, that admiration so readily becomes sexualized.

In the meantime, what do y'all think about this?

So many thoughts. I'll do a second reading of it myself so that I can organize the things I want to add but it is a definite must read.

It took me a while, but I managed to finish writing it today. I originally intended it to be a simple post in this channel. But the expansiveness of the topic made it too long for a Telegram post. So, I pivoted to hosting it on Substack instead. It is my first ever post there. I poured every bit of my passion into it. And I genuinely believe it'll help you – men and women alike – understand what it is like to live as a man. Consider it a complementary essay to Frosty's article. So, please give it a read :) https://abeltessema7.substack.com/p/men-and-vulnerability

Just learned about Vaginismus from a TikTok of this girl talking about her husband marrying her despite hers being so bad that she can't have sex. Now in the comments, people were saying "so he's just your really good friend?" And that got me thinking: how many of y'all share that view? Is a relationship just a friendship without sex? How important do you find it? Would you marry someone if it meant you couldn't have sex?

Whenever I'm listening to Micheal at work, I need to restrain myself so hard from breaking out into dance😂 It is very hard.

Wrote a little something.

When you're hollering around with self destruction for days and it gets so fucking boring that the whole thing starts feeling almost embarrassing 😭 like it used to feel naughty and clandestine and now I’m just like 🧍‍♀ cool tomorrow let’s go on a two hour walk, get our mind right, deep clean the house, buy something , listen to Jazzzz, read, play instrumentals in the room on random hours. And it’s not even a desperate little “let’s get our life together” plan anymore, it’s just genuinely more exciting to live the Other Way. Like maybe it doesn’t answer every existential qualm I have at once, but it makes everything a little nicer. Also self-destruction is only exciting when you know there’s someone out there who cares and would be sad at what you’re doing. When you’re like that you can romanticize it because somewhere in the back of your mind there’s still this person who would notice, worry, come looking for you, whatever. But eventually you realize the world is not sitting around waiting for you to ruin yourself. Nobody gives a fuck if you fuck up your body, live in chronic pain, stay miserable, do stupid shit for years. Some people will literally use you as a comparison point like “well at least I’m not THAT fucked up.” Corporations are happy you’re fucked up and need their products, medical companies are happy you’re sick. 😭 And yeah, that realization is bleak as hell, but weirdly it makes taking care of yourself feel like rebellion (which I openly enjoy). Which is okay nobody is coming to save me, nobody is keeping score, so I might as well make my little life nice. I want to be healthy and happy and fulfilled and winning purely because it’s actually fucking fun. ራሳችሁን ውደዱ እሺ🩵 Dehna ederu #notcrashingout

A little look back at how we do things at JEGOL. People showing up, getting caricatured, painting, discovering local artists, supporting vendors, and watching three artists go head-to-head in our live painting competition. And we’re doing it all again. Join us for the next JEGOL event on September 20 at Jazz Coffee, Mekanisa. Scan the QR code in the video to register and secure your spot. Or register here: https://jegol.vercel.app/ @jegolcreators

Me and bro when we grow up PS: I would absolutely crush this game

I'm looksminning atp.

Is it just me that gets super annoyed by songs with the message of "don't worry, you won't solve anything by worrying" or "don't worry, things will be alright"?😂

Let me do new years resolutions for the first time esti. We'll review by next year. 1) Get Jacked 2) Be in a better financial position 3) Launch the artists learning platform 4) Launch the book club app 5) Draw more. A lot more. 6) Read more. A lot more. 7) Write more. A lot more. I think that's about it. Hope you guys are having a great holiday. Wishing you all a great year.

I'm just gonna leave this here🙂😂

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