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About the feeling of being used ⠀ It happens that the feeling of being used occurs when a person wanted to use a partner or a situation, but could not. ⠀ For example, a woman who consents to sex, not out of a clear sexual desire but in the hope of a relationship, may feel used if she is not offered that relationship. ⠀ Whereas a woman who consented to sex out of a clear sexual desire may feel satisfied, unsatisfied, angry, tired, embarrassed, sad, but in no way used. Because her actions coincided with her goals. They may have been slightly more or slightly less successful, but they coincided. ⠀ During use and manipulation, the actions do not coincide with the goals. And then only chance will tell who will succeed in reaching that hidden goal and who will not.
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Weekends, holidays and pauses put everything in its place. ⠀ Someone who loves you knows you in detail and agrees with all your systemic mistakes. And has long laughed at the way you repeat yourself, get angry, apologize, and cheat yourself again. ⠀ Someone who wants to get to know you better clarifies and asks questions. Many questions. About tea, or shoelaces, or how wide you can open the window at night, or how you should be loved. ⠀ Someone who sees a future together invests time and effort now. And if it's good now, you have to be around longer to have enough for the hard times that sometimes happen.
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About illusion and reality Some dreams are given to man not to fulfill them, but to become disillusioned with himself and his fantasies, and to start living in the real world now. A person becomes definitively mature when he realizes that this well-being does not depend on the efforts or opinions of others. And when he realizes that there is nothing wrong with the world. The only question is how to look at it and what kind of contact to make. People are most visible in the way they conceal something.
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If you're lucky, you'll be alone All alone, when no one is around and you have to look for support on the ground and on yourself. ⠀ If you're lucky and it's at the right time, life will hit you to crack you like a nut and get the kernel. ⠀ If you're lucky and it's the right time, it will hurt you. So painful that the pain will almost make you die and then help you reborn from the inside out. ⠀ If you're lucky, you will cry. And nothing can hold back those tears. And release will come through them, and then - real life.
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Devaluation - what is it and why? Depreciation is the removal of value from objects or relationships so that they become less meaningful and cannot affect you. They can't upset you, hurt you, change you, or at least affect you in some way. This is one way of psychological defense. It is used by the legendary fox in Aesop's fable, saying that "the grapes are green," and thus, not worth her effort. And the whole point is that she just can't get those grapes and tries to soothe her pain by devaluing them. Depreciation often kills a relationship by not allowing it to experience the transformation it is meant to experience.
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Frustration - what is it and why? In short, the process of removing rose-colored glasses. Letting go of a fascination that was not the quality of the object of fascination, but something of yours, contrived. Encountering reality, as it were. Disillusioned with what the object of your fascination is not, you can finally see what it really is. And start to interact with it without fantasies. As an example, the man opposite is not a guru, but just a good specialist in his field. And that is often much more valuable than a guru. For it is real and close.
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We can't give up expectations. Especially those really essential to us and affect our deepest needs. That’s why we are often offended by those closest to us, or those with whom we have a deep relationship. Expectations suddenly reveal all of our vulnerability, which is all the more difficult to show to someone who has not lived up to them. That's why, when you get a message about a sudden evening sickness, you try only to colorlessly reply, "Well, all right, get well..." - and hang up, feeling a lump in your chest and stomach. Or a hole that isn't filled at all. ⠀ Eastern wisdom suggests giving up expectations. Just take things as they are.
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WHY DO WE TAKE OFFENSE? ⠀ We are offended only when we have unreasonable expectations that weren’t destined to come true, and that are difficult to refuse. For example, someone has agreed to spend a pleasant intimate evening with you, and the day before (or even half an hour after the appointed time) they call and say that they feel sick and won’t come... A familiar story? It’d seem that the reason is valid, but how much resentment rises!
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ABOUT RESENTMENT AND CHILDISH ATTITUDESRecognizing your own grievances or, at least, an ability to identify them, is already the first step to growing up. ⠀ Resentment is a childish pattern of behavior. Typically, when people talk about childish behavior patterns, they mention it with disdain and underlying criticism, wanting to shame the person they are talking about. In my view, childlike behavior patterns are simply signs of what level a person is at now and what their actual needs are. A child's level is no worse than an adult's. It just needs to be understood that it has its own tasks.
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I don't like him. Everyone has long known the formulation that if you don't like something in another person, you have to look for it in the shadow part of yourself. Seek it out, accept it, explore it, and then you'll "let go”. ⠀ But you don't know what it is that you don't like in people. If you take everything in and dig it out, it will take a long time. So you don't like it and you don't like it. Maybe something just doesn't suit you. For example, the smell isn't right or the way you dress. ⠀ So the first thing to pay attention to is what you actively dislike. To those situations where, instead of just stepping away from your partner, you stay around and try to actively redo him, blame or shame him. And you can't calm down. You explain to him why he's wrong, and you can't calm down.
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